i AM myself
I hate looking myself in the mirror,I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
Cant you see that i love you so?
Sunday, May 07, 2006
sunday 7/5
haiz...finally i found time to write about wat happened for the past few days...
actually a lot took place over the weekends...
on fri was sports day...
it started of quite well...my class girls took part in the 12x100m event...
we came in 2nd last...n i was actually quite sad...
as i was the last runner...i think i din do as well as b4...
i really dunno if i tried my best n i was lousy or wat...
but i hate the feeling of doing so badly...
then fabian was injured due to some home accident...
of course he din perform up to standard...but he did very weel too despite his injuries...
someone wearing spikes actually stepped on his foot as he was nt wearing any foot wear...
ya...
i kinda felt sad for him... so went to look for first aid n slippers...but i guess someone got them...
wanted to ask how was he..cld see tat he was in pain...
but i guess my pride kept mi from doing tat...
felt bad yet helpless...
then after tat...orange house aka hawk actually won the cheering compeition...
surprise..surprise...
we took some stupid n funnie pict...
juz b4 i left for lunch..
ya..a call made me started crying...
i dunno y oso...everything seems to go wrong for mi...
i get blamed for the smallest wrong tat i do...
so after tat i went staight to bedok reservior...n sat n stare...
i took time to think abt everything....
y isit tat i'm expected to be who everyone wants mi to be...
y can't i juz be free n be who i am...
y isit at i have so much to fulfill...yet am i capable of doing so...
at times i juz want to give everything up...
it juz as simple as going out for a meal n hangout with frenz...
can't they understand it too...
i used to like being at home...but then...ever since my everymove is critised by ur...
the way ur restrict mi...it has taken the tool on mi...n i juz dun like the feelin of home...
i rather be out..where i noe i won't be scolded of nagged at...
yet...
i noe ur are doin this for my own gd....
i noe...i want to understand too...
but i juz can't take it anymore...
i juz break down...
trng started n was venting my frustration by running...
was better after tat...then sarah n huiying asked mi abt fabian...
they saw tat he was injured...so asked how was he...
but not wanting to show tat i'm really concerned...wanted to show tat i got over it...
i juz told them wat happened...
they said i was very cold...like no feelings...
actually deep down i was very concerned...guess i wanted to keep up the strong image others have for mi...which i later confessed to sarah...
trng was tiring...went for 4k straight...
actually it was quite gd at certain times...cld see tat we are improving...
but isit fast enuf?? tats another qns...
somemore the womens national is next wk...14 may...
then we went for dinner...
got home tat night...ya...had an earful again...
got all the shit n things..
later in the nite..i can't stop myself n decided to msg him and ask how was he...
shld nt have done tat...
then on sat...i manged to go out for the class dragonboat trng..
but as usual...i got it from them juz b4 i went out...
really can't stand them...
had fun...we played a gam tat nearly made daphne cried...
but she mastered enuf courage to get into the water later...
haha...well done daphne...
then the class went for dinner...
which i din go..cos i got to go hm was usual...
tried to ask..but yah...usual attitude reply...
then on sunday was horrible la...got condemmed for everymove i make
from the moment i wake up till i dunno when...
sick n tired of it le...
doing maths revision...n finally i sort out my files...
haha...actually kinda slack...
but i'm aching from the consecative 2 days trng...
then tmr still got 2.4km...
hope i can make it under 12mins...
tat gd enuf for mi le...
then there is the sea carnival heats tmr...hai...
will be damn tired la...
okay gtg...if nt get nagged at again...
set mi free...
the origin.10:05 PM
i AM myself
alicia ang
19 yrs old
28th July 88
smps, hscs, tpjc, SIM- economic n management
likes:)
swimming, jogging, cycling, bladding, canoeing
reading, listening to music, dancing
chilling out with my friends
tpjc canoeing team ROCK!!!
tpjc 05S04 ROCK!!!
SIM Dragons rocks!!!
dislikes:(
ppl who are nt straight forward
ppl who pretend to be who they are not
being the middle person
being taken for granted
being left out
**wish list**
to get gd A-level results (my foot!))
to have FUN
to get a job ( ntuc Lhub)
to get my driving licence (got it)
to get my bag (been wanting to do so since the begining of the yr)
to chill out with my friends
to go clubbing as and when i like(like its ever possible)
to get into uni( got into one)
to be HAPPY (it has been so long since i'm really happy)
my voice
taggie
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