i AM myself
I hate looking myself in the mirror,I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
Cant you see that i love you so?
Sunday, July 30, 2006
sunday is usually a boring day....
woke up a little late today..so din manage to go running...
but considering tat i slept at 3 plus yesterday...i think it was the right thing tat i woke up later today...
so at 8.30a.m....went to the market to get breakfast...
haha...had cheew kueh (one of my fav)...i think tats how u spell it...
anyway...then started studyin...
the gp essay is really gettin on my nerve...
guess i'll leave it till tmr then do..cos jy n daph still haven't done theirs yet...
in the evening went for dinner at 'tian tian steamboat restaurent'..
the place is so damn nice la...
n wat more they cater to large grps of people...like 20 also can....
the place is nicely decorated n the way they serve food is interesting...
to prevent wastage food like fish n meat n liver those u have to request one...
so tats a good thing also..if nt ppl waste food...
then the soup is realli nice...
n air-conditioned somemore...
although more ex than marina $10 one...
it was still worth it la...
my mom keep forcing mi to eat la...
now i'm so full...dun think can slp man...
anyway...
been think abt smth...
actually...i dun reali noe wat i want in life...
come to think of it..i'm still moving aimlessly...
how...
wat shld i do...
lost...
the origin.11:50 PM
well...its sunday now...
haha...on fri the 28th...it was my birthday...
so happy bdae to mi...
hai...18yrs old already...
so can legally buy alcohol, cigarettes, go clubbing...
haha...but tat takes away the thrill of it...
anyway...got a lot to blog abt...
28/7
on fri,okay at the stroke of twelve...received a lot of well wishes...
haha...happy to hear from them...especially those who i've not really been in contact with...
guess wat eli remembered my bdae...( a pri sch friend of mine)
haha...then in the aft we went for lunch at pizza hut...
pauline, jy, ber, amanda, elvin, eng han, fabian n wil...
jy was especially evil la...
keep asking mi to eat n eat..even when i was full...
they they ordered the browin n ice-cream for mi...
really very paiseh la...sing the bdae song so loud until everyone turn to look at us...even another table also join in the singing la...
then worst is..they make mi lick the cream of the ice-cream n use my mouth to remove the strawberry...
was so unglam...hahah...
ppl were looking n laughing la...so embarassing!!!
mel was so sweet...she came up to mi n gave mi a nice sunflower la...really luv it...
then on the way out..they bought chocolates for mi too...
it was really great having such gd friends to celebrate my bdae with...
thank u guys...
tat was nt all...
had to rush home to change...
cos meeting the canoeist in the evening at suntec...
meet sarah earlier to shop abit..
we both were looking for bags...
but in the end we ended up geeting the same shirt...
haha...quite nice n cheap la...
shall wear it together one day...
then we went to marche...
my gosh...the q was so damn long la...think got to wait 1 hr man...
so we decided to switch location...
n we settled for fish n co...
waited damn long too..
jon, wk, wei min, huijie, mr chua, grace n hy came...
but they were late too...
say 7.30 in the end 8.30 then reach lor...
so ya..while waitin some of them went to buy bread...
then mr chua was so nice...
the fountain terrace they can flash msgs...
so he wished mi happy bdae on it la...
was so touched...hehe...
never imagine somebody wld wish mi happy bdae on it...
haha...
so while waitin for our food...all of us were so hungry...
then sarah CLEO mag got tis small sction on naughty moves...
jon, wk n huijie were so interested in it la..
dunno wat they were thinkin...
haha..
then the '4 man gang' n mr chua..dunno wat they were up to...keep passing the phone ard...
until i got giddy...
at the end of it..they all got mi smth...
mr chua got mi a espirt watch...
its like so nice n so ex..tat i din accept it at first..
but in the end took it in order nt to make him feel bad...
then wm made mi a card la...its so nice...
din noe his art n craft was so gd...
besides he also got mi a watch...
was really very touched for wat he has done...
but when i noe how ex the watch was..i really feel damn bad...
ya...so guess i'll give him a treat another day...
sarah also bought mi a bear..very cute...
really thank u everyone...
u really made mi feel very lucky on tat day...
i'm truely grateful for all tat u have done for mi...
i'm not a special somebody but ur made mi felt like one...
reali glad to have such great buddies like u...
FRENZ FOREVER...
then rushed home to cut cake..luckily reached home b4 12....
haha...
so i was realli very happy on friday...
never had so many friends celebrating with mi b4...
then got so many surprises...
thank u everyone...
tat night i had smiles on my face even when i sleep...
29/7 sat...
today woke up early to study one...
but in the end end up gettin so frustrated with everything...
loss my temper a few times...
hai..dunno wats wrong...
then cannot concerntrate...damn irritated...
so went out early...made my way to church...
but was a bit late anyway...
ya...after tat..cannot decide to meet the rest who went for concert...
so was wandering ard like a wandering spirit...
then took a bus back to tamp..
mug at 201 the mac with wm......
hai now its 2 plus...gonna sleep...
the origin.12:18 AM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
memories...
today seems like any normal day...
but i'll always remember tis day...
smthin special happened...
how i wished it lasted...
but it has all become memories that have faded...
over time i've got used to remembering tis day...
tat now its abit weird to juz forget it...
i noe i shld have given up on tis a long time ago...
we decided to let let go to lessen the pain...
but i wonder if i really can...
i went thru all the letters n e-mails today...
can't help it..cos its wat i'll always do on tis day...
i tried to nt do tat...
cos i noe it will only bring back all the pain n tears...
smtimes i wonder isit juz mi...
y do i have to take it so hard when u don't even give a damn abt it...
wat do i gain puttin myself thru all the pain...
reali...
i try so hard to keep the friendship between us...
y did i do tat...
are u worth all these pain..
suddenly remembered all the times we spent together...
all the promises u made...
everything tat u said...
it was really great memories...
although now all these were juz empty promises...
wadever it is,i noe i wil get stronger.
there's many other things i hav to get done..
the scars will always be there...
only time can heal these pain...
i shd be contented dat i was given a chance to love u..
i shd be contented dat i was given a chance to feel ur love.
i shd be contented we re stil friends.
i'll get over tis...
although u'll nt be looking at tis post...
juz want to thank u for everything...
heart-broken...
the origin.12:46 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
mugging endlessly...
can't believe it...there is like ony a 6 more weeks to prelims...
ahhh...have i studied enough i wonder...
actually there is still a lot i have yet to cover....
sian....
yesterday was the sea sports carnival...
surprisingly everything went smoothly...
a bit random...but sarah's fav song-i wish i was a punk roch girl with flowers in my head
is playing now...haha
anyway...ya...the 24 men inter cca dragonboat race was rather unexpected....
we lost to track n field n soccer...ya...sux big time...
but i noe the yr 1s will do well nxt yr...
as for the girls doubles it did nt really went well...
mi n jy was like ya..shall nt say much...
then went home aft dinner n did my homework till 2 plus la...
tot muz hand in...
in the end no need...waste my time...
then tday in school was totally stone mode...
after sch studied in the lib...
realised i concentrate much more when i'm alone...
haha....then got a lot of scandals today....
amanda n hong rui...whooh...
jieying n chao liang...hehe...jy alrady has 8 bf on hand now....haha...
then vanessa n her friend....hehe...
recently...having mood swings sia...
dunno y...for no reason will jux feel high...then smtimes low...
hai..better vontinue mugging....
a lot of thoughts have been going thru my mind...
the origin.12:05 AM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
wat happened....
something is very wrong...
i feel tat some of my friends are drifting away...
we used to be so bonded as a class...
in fact we used to hang out together everyday after sch....
but things have changed...
i wonder did i do smthin to caused tis? if its my fault do let mi noe...
i really hope the atmosphere between us will get better...
today u gave mi the sort of ignored looks...
i wsa really bothered by it...
but in fact i dun really click with ur new found friends...
in fact i feel more left out...so spare a thougth for mi too can...
anyway...today was a tiring day...
whole day tutorial la...sian...
then the class kena scolded by ms khoo for nt doing their tutorial...
maths remedial was soooo...long la....
finish like only 4.30....
sian la....then i saw pauline in the lib...
study with huiying, wei min and jon...
hai...i hope tmr will be better...
anyway i'm running 2.4km with pauline tmr...
gonna push her to pass...
okay better go n do my work now...
i wonder wat came between us....
the origin.10:25 PM
Monday, July 17, 2006
uncontrollable tears...
its been a long time since i updated my blog...
it has been a heart wretching weekend for mi...
last week i din go to sch on wed, thurs n fri...
both mi n sarh made it thru the heats smoothly to the semi..but
we cld not move in beyond tat...
we lost to HCI to qualify for the finals by onli half a second...
its like wth...but its over le...
i noe both sarah n i have done our best already...so we went to mos later....
talked abt a lot of things n took a lot of picts...
then on thurs we decided to skip sch...
haha i was up early n by 6.45 i was a St 21 mac mugging...
sarah promised to come...but she like only woke up at 8..
thanks la...
so meet up wuith her and wei min later on the train to orchard...
jon wanted to have breakfast at bk...so we met at far east...
n as usual wee kang n huiying were late...
as we were goinh thru the photos we wanted to print..mr chua called la...
surprised...he met us at hereen addidas there...
n guess wat...we made him take neo prints with us....
n tat was his first time too..haha...he was even acting cute in several shots....
haha...
then went to taka food fair...a lot of nice food man...
okay soon mr chua had to go back to sch...
onli then we got time to carry on with our things...
printed the photos n bought wat we needed at popular...
took all of us a long time to decide how we want the card to be...
b4 we cld finish the colage mr chua called again to ask if we wanted to watch pirates of the caribien 2...
so we caught the 6 o'clock show at bugis...
the funni part was jon was carrying sarah n my bag..so when he saw us he dashed thru the gates taking all our wallets with him too...it was hilarious la...
had long john for dinner b4 gg hm...
then on fri....
went down to support elvis for the finals...
she was superb...
then rush back to sarah's place to bath n finish the card...
i even cooked for my darling partner cos she was hungry...haha
chiong down to melview park...but there were ppl even later than us ...
had lunch n the handing over session...
jon's speech was so touching...cld see tat he was holding back his tears..he cldn't even look at us in the eye...
my poor captain, even i was on the verge of crying...
mr chua silently stood there too...cld feel tat he was holding back too...
after we presented the card n or message n a bottle gift to him...
we proceeded to the playground to take pictures...
it was a moment i will never forget...
the sight of mr chua's tears rolling down all the seniors breaking down...
it was really too much for mi to take...
i cried with them too...
the tot of leaving one another and us from the cannoeing team...
it was really sad...
all of us really cldn't hold back the tears...
we are all so attached to one another...so close...
it was juz like tearing away one part of ur body...smthin tat is so attched to u...
we all took turns to take individual picts with mr chua...all of us tried to cover the tears with the smile..but it was nt for long....
tis will be a moment tat i'll treasure all my life...
my time in tpjc canoeing are made special by all my teammates...
tis family will stay together...
to all my beloved canoeist i'll treasure our friendship n i really love everyone of u...
to mi u all are juz so special...
so after tat went to drink coffee...
jon, wee kang, wei min, grace huiying n i then shop ard east point for food n drinks to bring to jon's place for the night...
went to the arcade to have some fun...
then went to jon's place at ard 10 plus...
elvis n ber were already there...so they sarted playin majiong first...then grace came...
elvis n ber left later...
then jon's dad n mom came home...
haha...juz nice i was playing then...
jon's father damn pro la...he was coaching mi ( an idoit) to play la...
haha...play n play like some majiong addicts la...
haha...finally i learnt to play majiong...
then they played a joke on weiming...over msn on sarah...
smthin nt too pleasent...
went to buy chicken rice at abt 1 am...cool rite...
hahah
the next morn woke up first thing is majiong la...
like if we dun play will die lydat....hahah
so when for breakfast at bk again on sat morn...mr chua joined us cos he dun have parking duty to do la....hahah
then we talked n chatted again la...
laugh n laugh like crazy....
but sat night was the most horrible of all times...
sarah confronted mi on the joke we played on her n wei ming...
apparently she tot i was the one behind it...
i was so upset...especially when she said ' with u ppl tis kinda thing sure expected on la.'
i mean she was like my partner n best friend...
so as i talked to huiying...i started crying...
the tears were uncontrollable...
everything juz came flashing back...
the times mi n sarah trained hard together...all the happy times we had..all the sad titmes we shared...
she juz started to drift away..back to the 'sarah' tat i dunno...
i really felt very heartbroken...
then feeling abt the team started coming over mi..n i juz cldn't stop...
it was too over whelming...
it was then tat huiying, jon, weekang and wei min showed mi tat no matter wat
we will remain as a family...
they were the one who stood by mi when i need someone the most...
they were there for mi when i need someone to cry on...
they were the one who showed mi wat family warmth was...
they were the one who showed care n concern for mi...
they were the one who was there when i was blue
they mean more than friends to mi...
they are a family...
yes...i'm afraid of losing them...
to lose my friends...my family
although i've never said it...their very presence are enough to comfort mi...
yes juz being ard them makes mi feel really happy...
to all my canoeist...thank you for everything...
okay i shall update more on another day...
if only....
the origin.12:14 AM
i AM myself
alicia ang
19 yrs old
28th July 88
smps, hscs, tpjc, SIM- economic n management
likes:)
swimming, jogging, cycling, bladding, canoeing
reading, listening to music, dancing
chilling out with my friends
tpjc canoeing team ROCK!!!
tpjc 05S04 ROCK!!!
SIM Dragons rocks!!!
dislikes:(
ppl who are nt straight forward
ppl who pretend to be who they are not
being the middle person
being taken for granted
being left out
**wish list**
to get gd A-level results (my foot!))
to have FUN
to get a job ( ntuc Lhub)
to get my driving licence (got it)
to get my bag (been wanting to do so since the begining of the yr)
to chill out with my friends
to go clubbing as and when i like(like its ever possible)
to get into uni( got into one)
to be HAPPY (it has been so long since i'm really happy)
my voice
taggie
do tag when u visit...
entries;
myself;
shouts;
links;
my past;
Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com