i AM myself
I hate looking myself in the mirror,I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
Cant you see that i love you so?
Monday, July 17, 2006
uncontrollable tears...
its been a long time since i updated my blog...
it has been a heart wretching weekend for mi...
last week i din go to sch on wed, thurs n fri...
both mi n sarh made it thru the heats smoothly to the semi..but
we cld not move in beyond tat...
we lost to HCI to qualify for the finals by onli half a second...
its like wth...but its over le...
i noe both sarah n i have done our best already...so we went to mos later....
talked abt a lot of things n took a lot of picts...
then on thurs we decided to skip sch...
haha i was up early n by 6.45 i was a St 21 mac mugging...
sarah promised to come...but she like only woke up at 8..
thanks la...
so meet up wuith her and wei min later on the train to orchard...
jon wanted to have breakfast at bk...so we met at far east...
n as usual wee kang n huiying were late...
as we were goinh thru the photos we wanted to print..mr chua called la...
surprised...he met us at hereen addidas there...
n guess wat...we made him take neo prints with us....
n tat was his first time too..haha...he was even acting cute in several shots....
haha...
then went to taka food fair...a lot of nice food man...
okay soon mr chua had to go back to sch...
onli then we got time to carry on with our things...
printed the photos n bought wat we needed at popular...
took all of us a long time to decide how we want the card to be...
b4 we cld finish the colage mr chua called again to ask if we wanted to watch pirates of the caribien 2...
so we caught the 6 o'clock show at bugis...
the funni part was jon was carrying sarah n my bag..so when he saw us he dashed thru the gates taking all our wallets with him too...it was hilarious la...
had long john for dinner b4 gg hm...
then on fri....
went down to support elvis for the finals...
she was superb...
then rush back to sarah's place to bath n finish the card...
i even cooked for my darling partner cos she was hungry...haha
chiong down to melview park...but there were ppl even later than us ...
had lunch n the handing over session...
jon's speech was so touching...cld see tat he was holding back his tears..he cldn't even look at us in the eye...
my poor captain, even i was on the verge of crying...
mr chua silently stood there too...cld feel tat he was holding back too...
after we presented the card n or message n a bottle gift to him...
we proceeded to the playground to take pictures...
it was a moment i will never forget...
the sight of mr chua's tears rolling down all the seniors breaking down...
it was really too much for mi to take...
i cried with them too...
the tot of leaving one another and us from the cannoeing team...
it was really sad...
all of us really cldn't hold back the tears...
we are all so attached to one another...so close...
it was juz like tearing away one part of ur body...smthin tat is so attched to u...
we all took turns to take individual picts with mr chua...all of us tried to cover the tears with the smile..but it was nt for long....
tis will be a moment tat i'll treasure all my life...
my time in tpjc canoeing are made special by all my teammates...
tis family will stay together...
to all my beloved canoeist i'll treasure our friendship n i really love everyone of u...
to mi u all are juz so special...
so after tat went to drink coffee...
jon, wee kang, wei min, grace huiying n i then shop ard east point for food n drinks to bring to jon's place for the night...
went to the arcade to have some fun...
then went to jon's place at ard 10 plus...
elvis n ber were already there...so they sarted playin majiong first...then grace came...
elvis n ber left later...
then jon's dad n mom came home...
haha...juz nice i was playing then...
jon's father damn pro la...he was coaching mi ( an idoit) to play la...
haha...play n play like some majiong addicts la...
haha...finally i learnt to play majiong...
then they played a joke on weiming...over msn on sarah...
smthin nt too pleasent...
went to buy chicken rice at abt 1 am...cool rite...
hahah
the next morn woke up first thing is majiong la...
like if we dun play will die lydat....hahah
so when for breakfast at bk again on sat morn...mr chua joined us cos he dun have parking duty to do la....hahah
then we talked n chatted again la...
laugh n laugh like crazy....
but sat night was the most horrible of all times...
sarah confronted mi on the joke we played on her n wei ming...
apparently she tot i was the one behind it...
i was so upset...especially when she said ' with u ppl tis kinda thing sure expected on la.'
i mean she was like my partner n best friend...
so as i talked to huiying...i started crying...
the tears were uncontrollable...
everything juz came flashing back...
the times mi n sarah trained hard together...all the happy times we had..all the sad titmes we shared...
she juz started to drift away..back to the 'sarah' tat i dunno...
i really felt very heartbroken...
then feeling abt the team started coming over mi..n i juz cldn't stop...
it was too over whelming...
it was then tat huiying, jon, weekang and wei min showed mi tat no matter wat
we will remain as a family...
they were the one who stood by mi when i need someone the most...
they were there for mi when i need someone to cry on...
they were the one who showed mi wat family warmth was...
they were the one who showed care n concern for mi...
they were the one who was there when i was blue
they mean more than friends to mi...
they are a family...
yes...i'm afraid of losing them...
to lose my friends...my family
although i've never said it...their very presence are enough to comfort mi...
yes juz being ard them makes mi feel really happy...
to all my canoeist...thank you for everything...
okay i shall update more on another day...
if only....
the origin.12:14 AM
i AM myself
alicia ang
19 yrs old
28th July 88
smps, hscs, tpjc, SIM- economic n management
likes:)
swimming, jogging, cycling, bladding, canoeing
reading, listening to music, dancing
chilling out with my friends
tpjc canoeing team ROCK!!!
tpjc 05S04 ROCK!!!
SIM Dragons rocks!!!
dislikes:(
ppl who are nt straight forward
ppl who pretend to be who they are not
being the middle person
being taken for granted
being left out
**wish list**
to get gd A-level results (my foot!))
to have FUN
to get a job ( ntuc Lhub)
to get my driving licence (got it)
to get my bag (been wanting to do so since the begining of the yr)
to chill out with my friends
to go clubbing as and when i like(like its ever possible)
to get into uni( got into one)
to be HAPPY (it has been so long since i'm really happy)
my voice
taggie
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