Wednesday, September 20, 2006
i dunno wat to say...
Dear blog,
my eyes are sore from all the crying and i've ran out of tears...
its been a long time since i felt so terrible or even cried till lydat...
hai...
i totally screwed up the maths paper today...to top it off almost everyone felt tat the statitics part was do-able, and tat was the part which i practised damn hard for yet i could hardly answer the questions...
wat more can i expect man...
dunno y...i almost cried doing the paper...
but still i know better than to waste my time on tat...
u know life juz sucks big time for mi...i juz couldn't figure out wat is going on...n it is killing mi everyday...eating away the inside of mi...slowly and painfully...
felt tat i needed to be alone and so i sat myself down at the park and started talking to myself.
cannot bear the thought tat i'm alctually gonna flunk my prelims when i studied so hard for it...the feeling is really horrible...yes i admit i'm afraid of failure...but when i actually specifically studied for it...wth...i onli ask to pass all my subjucts...as in a clear pass with at least Cs and Ds is tat too much to ask for...i dun think so...
never have i felt like today...i mean even do badly also still acceptable tat kind...but yet today i'm so afraid of getting all Fs for all of my subjects...juz so afraid...
so frighten tat i can never pass my a-levels...
i'm really have problems coming to term with myself fairing so badly in exams...juz cannot accept tat...am i expecting too much of myself?
i dun think so...
dunno y well...this sparked off alot of thoughts...i think i've accumulating too much inside mi that it became overwhelming..
but still the fear in me is so strong that i'm really starting to hate myself...
arrh...yet the other part of mi is telling mi to stop all this self pitying...
stop all this crying and feeling bad all these nonsence...
i shlould be strong and pull myself up..i dun need anyone...
i can do it as long as i believe i can...show everyone wat i'm capable of and yes i can do well and tat i shld have a postive mindset and be optimistic when face with troubles...learn to overcome it and move on...
yes...i do think in tat way too...but well...
I hate looking myself in the mirror,
I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,
I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,
I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,
With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
well tats mi...
the origin.12:34 AM