i AM myself
I hate looking myself in the mirror,I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
Cant you see that i love you so?
Thursday, September 14, 2006
been a long time since i last blog...
well...wats up with mi...
can't believe i'm actually bloging in the mist of the prelims...
i have come to realised smth...
the old saying 'u reap wat u sow' does not actually apply to everyone...
sometimes i ask myslef wat the heck do i study so hard for...
when i know tat i would do badly...
somtimes i ask...if everything is planned for mi...
y can't i know wat is the plan...
so tat i will not have to put in so much effort to seek wat will not be mine eventually...
there are even times when i wonder if this is wat i should be doing...
this is driving me crazy man...
to think i tried so hard...put in so much time and energy...
yet results are still not seen....
to think tat i even though i've not done enough...
like wat the hell is wrong with mi...
isn't it obvious enough that my hard work is not paid off...
prelims is juz like living through a nightmare...
it was really horrible...
to start of with it...the perneral paper totally sucks...
then came the chemistry paper 3 which i hardly had time to finish...
then maths paper...which i think i srew up...i'll be considered lucky if i can get 30 marks from tat paper...
as for the bio paper 2...it was the worst paper so far..
i mean like for the paper test and exam its always the essay part tat i do well in...
this time i barely completed 1 essay question out the 2 i'm supposed to do...
i juz cross my fingers tat the stuctured part is better...
by the time it came to chem paper 2...well...
tried to do all the qns...but still unable to complete the paper...
but really got no feelings already...
as for the rest of the paper..i think i'll juz sit through it...
anyway i'm numb to the dissapointment already...
in fact..i think the attitude now is juz to get over n done with
all this crap...
the results will be horrible...expected...
heck care...
wat can i say maybe i juz don't deserve to do well...
maybe after all at the end of the day...i'm nt the academic type...
ahh....dunno juz wat problem i have man...
can't hope or expect much also...
as the saying goes..the higher u hope the harder the fall...
if onli one can juz fall n die without worries...
i'll be the first on the list...
but tat is so not true...
i really dunno wat to do..everyday go to sch see everyone studying so hard...
when people around mi ard feel down or feel its not worth the effort
i always encourage them to juz keep trying...
the hard work will be paid off..
when even i myself can't do tat...
wat position am i in to tell others to be optismistic all tat...
can't believe i'm such a hypocrite
i think i'll have to correct my attitude...
but how long will i take...
who knows...
maybe a day..or a week...or a month...
all i know is tat i'm running out of time...
the origin.4:23 PM
i AM myself
alicia ang
19 yrs old
28th July 88
smps, hscs, tpjc, SIM- economic n management
likes:)
swimming, jogging, cycling, bladding, canoeing
reading, listening to music, dancing
chilling out with my friends
tpjc canoeing team ROCK!!!
tpjc 05S04 ROCK!!!
SIM Dragons rocks!!!
dislikes:(
ppl who are nt straight forward
ppl who pretend to be who they are not
being the middle person
being taken for granted
being left out
**wish list**
to get gd A-level results (my foot!))
to have FUN
to get a job ( ntuc Lhub)
to get my driving licence (got it)
to get my bag (been wanting to do so since the begining of the yr)
to chill out with my friends
to go clubbing as and when i like(like its ever possible)
to get into uni( got into one)
to be HAPPY (it has been so long since i'm really happy)
my voice
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