i AM myself
I hate looking myself in the mirror,I hate knowing I have fear.
I hate seeing what isn't there,I hate feeling that I am scared.
I hate believing what isn't true,I hate believing and trusting you.
I hate crying myself to sleep,
Forgive me for I have dreams.
I feel left out and all alone,With no one to call my own.
My eyes are red and I cry blood,
Please help me or I'll cry a flood.
My friends see what I let them see,
If they only could see the true side of me.
And as I die inside with pain,
Please don't think that I'm insane.
Cause believe it or not I have a heart,
That's been slowly torn apart
Cant you see that i love you so?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
graduation...
today(its past 12 so its yesterday...) is officially the last day of my JC life in tpjc. It just so magical how time really flies. It just seemed like only yesterday that i stepped into tpjc to begin my 2 yr journey...yet now the journey is coming to an end. Although i admit that i do complain abt coming to sch and all tat, i think in the future i'll miss coming to sch.
No more off gathering in the courtyard, no more national anthem n sch song, no more wearing of the uniform...
No more spending time slacking in the canteen, skipping classes and all the lame stuffs tat we always do...smthin tat i'll really miss...How i wish time didn't pass so fast so tat i can have more fun with my friends...
Still...i'm contened with all tat i have...i'm glad i made the choice to come to tpjc...if not i would not have gotten to know a lovely and unique grp of classmates. My class -05S04... really glad to have been able to spend my 2 yrs with you all...u really made life so fullfilling and meaningful...
Also if i had nt come to tp...i wld not have joined canoeing and got to know this bunch of great pals and all the great times we spent together...
haiz...after the exams we are really on our own already...that's y i dun want sch to end...the feeling of insecurity and loneliness not having my friends to lean on...not knowing i'm in a safe environment..
i was standing in the hall in one coner...watching everyone happily taking pictures... i saw how happy my class was...memories everyone is trying to capture...how i really wish everything was not coming to an end.
will we still keep in contact? will we still be close as before? i do not want to think...
the feeling of letting go is just not nice at all...
still...we have to move on in life...but i hope tat none of us will ever forget the times we all shared...happy or sad...rain or shine...
back to studying...
*some thoughts i had in mind*
the origin.1:20 AM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
dunno wats wrong with mi today...
i'm really in a lousy mood today...
everything juz seems to get on my nerves...sick..
well it all started when i had to wait for 2 whole period for my maths teacher outside the staff room...
he agreeded to see us tat time but then he went for lunch...
told the others he'll take a while...
then after 2 periods i called them...he was still in the canteen...
damn irritating...
waited like a fool there la...
then everyone i call dun want to pick up their calls...
to the extend tat i called 5 times still dun want to pick up...
(sorry..i'm nt angry with ur...juz nt in gd mood la)
right now i can really smash everything in my sight...
(okok...get control of urself alicia...)
really stress....trying to take it easy already...but the pressure is really too much....ahhhhhhh
i'm screaming into my pillow..punching the wall...
BUT it does nt help....
so...so ...irritated.....
the origin.9:17 PM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
well...24 more days to a-levels...
taking some time in between papers to relax a little..
these few weeks have really been hectic for mi...
trying to do all i can any maybe create a miracle in the last 3 wks...
been really under a lot of stress...guess everyone feels the same way especially when the examinations is sooo...near...
well...would like to share this with everyone of my friends out there...
you know...what we see is actually very important...
so wat kind of perspectives do we have in life...
juz let u know that God is good...
prosperity is wat he wants to give to his children...
but we muz know tat success comes with contentment...
soo...we should have a heavenly perspective...
see things the way God sees them...
how u may ask?
first of course we need to see God...
- most of the time we juz think of all the problems
but in God's eye its an opportunity in the mist of difficulties...
- when we see God...
he becomes bigger than our problems...
nothing is too tough tat we can't overcome when we have faith in him...
therefore....
we all muz have a positive attitude...
cos it really affects how much we believe in ourselves...
we serve a faithful God n believe it...
every obstacle is there for a reason...
hey friends...in the mist of mugging do take care...
n dun forget...to see opportunities in the mist of difficulties...
haha...
back to the papers...
the origin.11:09 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
hehe...wk if u are reading this...thanks for the concern...
well its been quite some time since i last blog or came online...haha
anyway time really flies n now its only one month away from the A-levels...muz work hard...its the last burst i guess...
a lot happened in the past week...
got back almost all of my results...
which i'm totally dissapointed with...
although i know i won't do well but still it was shocking...
its ike F F F.. close to tat la...
its the worst result tat i have ever gotten in my whole life as a student...
my grades are dropping like crazy...
the results juz hit mi right in the face...
( dunno isit a wake up call or to face reality....)
but those horrendous results juz totally consumed mi when i saw them...
couldn't control my emotions....
the dissapointment in not meeting my own expectations n worst my mother's...
they all expect mi to fair well in sch...i really dunno wat to tell them abt it...well guess i'll get more than an earful from then this time round...
still i'm thankful for the comfort n support tat Pauline has given mi...
she'll always be there when i needed her...
thank you...i won't give up so easily....
but so wat if i dun do well in the prelims...
y waste my time wallowing in self pity ...waste my tears...
ok...so take a few mintues to cry over the bad results but after tat should juz move on...
while i'm crying ppl are making use of the time to study...
tats the way it shld be...optimise every minute tat i have now...
then at church tat day...god showed mi tat no matter how terrible things are he has always been by my side...
never once did he leave mi or forsake mi...
its mi who distanced myself from him...
'come to the father, though ur gift is small,
broken hearts n broken lifes,
he will take them all,
the power of the words,
the power of his love,
everything was done so you would come'
i found my strenght to be brave all the obstacles tat are gonna come my way...it suddenly made sense to mi wat mr tan was driving at tat day...
tat nothing is so bad tat theree is no way out...
there is always a way round it...
its not the end of the world when we dun do well...
there is always another alternative route to take...
so...yes...
life is short...so since i am in sch now so juz do the best tat i can...
should not worry about the results..juz study...
dun let what has happened affect mi...
haiya...at home things are nt peaceful also...
my aunty having problems with her husband...
i really dun understand y husbands like to cheat on their wives so much... really dun understand...
i dun mean all husbands are like tat but those around mi happended to be like tat n i dun see y...
haiz...
then mummy is having terrible mood swings i think...
every weekend she is throwing her temper...
dunno wat to say to her too...
well...long entry i know...
but wat to do..all my thoughts i can't tell to anyone but write on the blog...
so bloggie hope u understand...
jia you...
the origin.1:04 AM
i AM myself
alicia ang
19 yrs old
28th July 88
smps, hscs, tpjc, SIM- economic n management
likes:)
swimming, jogging, cycling, bladding, canoeing
reading, listening to music, dancing
chilling out with my friends
tpjc canoeing team ROCK!!!
tpjc 05S04 ROCK!!!
SIM Dragons rocks!!!
dislikes:(
ppl who are nt straight forward
ppl who pretend to be who they are not
being the middle person
being taken for granted
being left out
**wish list**
to get gd A-level results (my foot!))
to have FUN
to get a job ( ntuc Lhub)
to get my driving licence (got it)
to get my bag (been wanting to do so since the begining of the yr)
to chill out with my friends
to go clubbing as and when i like(like its ever possible)
to get into uni( got into one)
to be HAPPY (it has been so long since i'm really happy)
my voice
taggie
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