Sunday, June 03, 2007
Colourless
well tis entry is in red bcos i'm reali reali frustrated with life now...
for the past few weeks i'm not in a good mood and i reali hate myself for the way i am..
many things have happened and it is all taking a toil on me...
i'm tired...when will it be all over...
2nd JUNE
today went down to watch the PA races at bedok,i have to say that th juniors have put in efforts and although there were both tears of joy and sadness, they have done themselves proud. Many got into finals and i pray that all will go well for them.
then hy, grace, jon, wei min n me wanted to watch pirates of the carribean but all the show time were all selling fast except for those late nites one...well got to catch it next wk...
then went to chill at carl's junior...sat n chit chat...haha
well..for the past week and the following week has been work work n still work...
on the 9th MAy will e my last day at LHub..haha...after 6mths with the company...finally...
well will miss the fun time there though...
anyway i've been thinking a lot recently...got rejected by both ntu n nus...so thinking of wat to write for the appeal...(headache)
then to top of that i got news that my grand aunt has been dignosed with bone canner...and it dosen't look hopeful...
to top it off...my aunts have been callin to ask abt my uni admission..
they said a lot of mean and horrible things tat really mad me very upset and mad...
then i begin to think...why does ll bad things happen altogther...
why one after another...is there more to come...
well i have been askin GOD what are his plans for me...
i'm feel reali lost and hopeless...am i gettin anywhere? wat isit tat HE wants me to understand? i realli can't feel it, see it or understand it...
ever since i got my A levels results nothin goes my way...
haven't i had enuf? how much longer will tis go on? i got no idea...
since young i have always believed that workin hard i'll be able to get wat i want...
i believed i have worked hard.. i dun asked to be the best at everything...
but i have always been average or at least comparable among my peers...
yet now i'm reduced to almost nothin compared to everyone...even compared to my past...
i dun have a lot of wants, i'm a easily satisfied person...
i juz want a happy family, great friends and to get into Uni...
is that too much to ask for?
i've already lost the warmth i used to get from my family and more problems
are arising from it...is there more to lose?
wat will i be left with? i am afraid to look into the future...afraid to see wat is coming...
running away from reality has become a day to day thing from me...
yet i dun wan ppl ard me to be affected...so juz pretend i'm ok?
i'm tired...i'm losing it...
i know many ppl are facing other problems themselves too...
and if they can overcome it why cant i? i'm trying real hard to get over it...
life has become kinda meaningless now...as though it has lost it colour...
the origin.1:21 AM