Always By Your Side

2007-12-02T23:39:00.000+08:00

some picts taken a zouk for the previous entry...

yuting,jason n me

me n pretty yolander

zouk...after regatta

2007-11-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

ZOUK!!!

haha my 2nd time clubbin on a ladies night..n i was reali quite crappy...

first, me n jason met at like 7pm tohave dinner...ate at pastamania n we talkedn waited like till 10pm before stanley and jeremy arrived...

seriously if i had to wait any longer i would hav died..reali sianz cos me n jason already talked abt everything under the sun...hahaha....

second, when we were at zouk, me n yu ting bought volka ribena n it tasted quite bad...

what a waste of money...

then me n jason got fooled by stanley and yu ting la...

how foolish of us..

lastly, it was SO SO SO packed at phuture and the music was rather terrible too...

or am i juz gettin too old?...there were like 2 fighting cases in a night...and there was this group of girls that were behaving too wildly...also there was this drunkard/ druggie that juz went around the dance floor target hunting, he even tried to kiss a girl. Ppl started shovling him around but he did not show any response..weird rite?

haha...overall the night wasn't reali...

n i felt rather bad that stanley came along with us cos in the end he was the only national rower that came when they were bound to leave for cambodia on thurs aft...

hahah...

i still like to club...hahaha

after regatta

2007-11-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

Finally...the blog has been stagnent for close to 4 mths...
okay..i was reading someone else's blog n suddenly got motived to share smth on my blog too...
hahaha....
but this is gong to be a super duper LONG entry...
buckle up!!!

2 wks before Regatta 2007 (19th Oct)

Singapore Dragonboat Association (SDBA) invited the SIM team to the their 20th Anniversary Celebration cum Fund Raising Dinner at Safra-Mountfaber. So...for the first time the team is dressed up properly (besides the t-shirts, jersys. FBTs and sometimes even topless attires)...whahaha..
heard that each table cost abt $2000 so per person shld be abt $200, BUT the food really wasn't worth the money...haha...well at least we did not have to pay a cent!!!
despite how bad the food was , the company was great...
the night was not tat bad after all...( although i still went fo supper after tat!!!)

my dearest rowers, adeline n liping !!!

the gals n the coach!!

n the rest of the team present..

1 Day before Regatta- prep talk

1 day before the race...all of us gathered in a small room to be debriefed on what will take place during regatta..
the t-shirts, windbreakers n jersy were also handed out on that day...
watching the past year videos gave me a little insight of what i was going to expect during the race..
although it would not be my first time competing ,the feeling i had was rather different compared to dragon boating nationals during my JC days.
Seriously i was rather nervous n i reali dunno what to expect...
well luckily i wasn't the onli one feeelin that way...hahaha

Okay...as usual there were cam-whoring sessions..
the picts will tell for itself...

this is Adeline my bestest rower/supporter/partner in the team...
(also a loud hailer.haha)

the gals n the coach...

n the SIM team....

River Regatta 2007 (1 & 2 Nov)

Finally the day has come...
All the hard work, training 4 times a wk,
rushing to trng straight after sch ( laughed at by mr nageb),
showering at kallang more than i bath at home, eating dinner after 10pm ,
returning home at 12 n seeing my team mates more than my family...

Those were the days that kept us together, urging one another never to give up, pushing each other to our limit n the best that we can do...
n all the effort,time n sweat was all for this day...

these are the 10men crew boats...

our gears n weapons...

surprisingly..it was also a small reunion for the hai sing npcc members...

the gals team before we went for our first event...

okay..cam-whoring ..tis time is with jeremy...

down to serious business...briefing before the race...

the warm-up..

see..the guys strokes are juz so in sync...nice rite!!

at the end of the day...SIM came in first (minor finals) for mixed event
and first (minor finals) in mens open...
well there were happy moments to savour...

the pros of the team...

finally...i present u with the SIM dragons !!!

haha...after the race it was dinner at Riverisde Indonesia Restaurent...
the food was great...n the company too...

after dinner when everyone was happy n full =)

well after a month of hard work..we all deserve a break....
celebration at Brewerks !!!

Well...1 month easily flew past lydat.
During this mth i reali got along much better with my team mates
n i reali treasure those time we spent together training hard...
For now... i'm juz looking forward to Penang Pesta 2007
the team is going to Penang!!! seems a lot of fun to me...
well training has resumed n we are back to training 3 times a week...
haha...so lets train hard n bring back smth for everyone!!!

recently..i'm feelin rather mixed up...n i duno y...

last nite at stadium n lights out/mos

2007-07-11T21:47:00.000+08:00

30/6/2007

This is the last day and the last event that will be held at the Singapore National Stadium. After that it will be pulled down to make way for a newer and with better facilities stadium. Anyway there was a soccer match there where Spore lost to Australia...sad rite..last match also lydat..haiz...

Anyway we bought tickets to the Lights Out party after the soccer match, met up with Fabian, Mag and Choo. Mel, Elvin n Ber was supposed to come too but couldn't make it last minute.

Unfortunately, the event turned to be total dissapointing thus we decided to head for MOS at 11 plus.

Picked Clarie up n met Mel there...the taxi driver was damn irritating!!! keep making sarcastic remarks...argh...

last look at the stadium!!!

mel, me n mag at MOS...

clarie and me on the cab home...zoned out!!

well we had a lot of fun that night..(well i know mel definitlyhad!!!-sweetie pie)

ermh..A***...hahah...okay...well thanks everyone for the company..!!!

came home in the wee hours...

N tats the 2nd consecutive week i'm clubbing already...haiz...cannot carry on lydat man!!!

i have no idea i'm lydat...the tot of wat i have become scares me too....

the week after back from taiwan...

2007-06-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

hectic week immediately after beng back from taiwan....

18-20 june

yearly family chalet at downtown east..haha...finally can bbq in peace cos it didn't rain (i prayed damn hard k) haha. as usual my bro's gang came n of course i had the usuals (grace, jon, wei min n wei ming) over...ate damn a lot!! even grace noticed.chat n had fun...well grace even said it was enjoyable. oh..the satays tat nite were fantastic too...thanks to the satay man(wei min)...my mum also say nice k..

21june

went to sentosa in the aft with hy after work to meet up with the rest of the gang...first time on the luge..it was kinda fun except for the congested part..hahah. Then mr chua left early...it was followed by unsuccessful vollyball game, beach soccer and chattin in waters.

22june
for the first time i went down to zouk with my super-long-best friend since pri sch ; Elizabeth.

picked her up after her meetin and we arrived at abt 11 plus...well entry was 23 bucks..haiz.

But...money wasn't tat well spent...went to Phuture first n the music was juz terrible n also it was SUPER packed- the last fri for the guys tat juz POP (gals:guys 1:10 -jon say one) ...met jon, his buddy-jermain( i think), his sergent n one of his classmates.

Then cannot take it went to down to Zouk...haha..music was diferent..but had quit abit of fun.

Oh ya...durin our break tis guy n his fren came up to me n eli asking if we were waitin for someone..then we both laughed n said our frens are behind...he turned ard and when saw the 4 guys, he laughed too n apologised b4 walking away..hahha

Also tried some new drinks- Graveyard...its nt very nice...dun understand y ppl even drink tat...hahaha

then its back to phuture n tis time music got better n we stayed till 4. haha...

anyway till now i have yet to watch Pirates of the Carribean!!!! haiz....hahaha

taiwan trip...

2007-06-25T21:54:00.000+08:00

This entry shall be dedicated for the taiwan trip from 13-17 June 2007

Haha..this is the first time i'm on holiday with my friend. Me, huiying, huiying's aunt, hy aunt's friend and a little girl spent 5 dys in taipei. The trip was fun.
We only stayed in taipei so it was sight seing, shopping and of course eating!!!
the food there is simply delicious...mmm....
well hopfully i get to visit other parts of taiwan on my next trip there..

well..i shall let the picts tell u more about the trip there...

We were on the way taking the metro (aka mrt) to visit the tallest building in taipei ( Taipei 101). In the picture is me n hy holding the blue token ( like an ez link card). Interestin isn't it!! besides Taipei 101 we also visited 'New York New York' . These are juz shopping centres la..hahah

well after a long day of walking an shopping we spent the night at 'Raohe Nightmarket'.

This is a nice desert...crushed ice with lots of fruits and ice cream...yum yum....

that's huiying with a 25NT ice-cream. it was one of our favourites while we were at Ximending. For the 5 day trip i had a total of 3 such ice-cream..hahahah

while shoppin we saw tis...well both me and huiying totaly agree to this...dun u too grace!!! hahah =)

well...tats me with the famous ' zha ji pa' from the Shilin Night market...its reali reali reali delicious...haha..it has the longest queue at the night market...n most of all after eating that..compared to spore one..its reali nothin man...hahah!!! kinda miss it now...too bad...

that is another desert we had at shilin night markt. it is mango ' pao pao bing'...ice blended with fruits..yummy...

haha...smthin interestin....this is smthin like potato chips..well actually it is... the potato is sliced in a spiral way n fried...so when we eat we have to eat from the bottom...hahah...its reali tasty too...

we came here to see the changing ceremony of the guards. it takes place every hour so luckily we were there in time....hahah..the place was quite nice. except it was raining..hahah...

tis is a picture of me and huiying on the ex-residence of one of the presidents of taiwan. it is actually in the rose garden...haha...nice rite...hahah

well this is the famous 'Huo Tian Lun' at amara. the ride is alright...except that the view up there isn't fantastic at all....well i believe spore ferriswheel ride will be much better especially with our city's lights up at nite...muahahah....

well finally by the end of the trip...i'm proud to say tat my nails are still intact...nt bad rite...haaha...its an accomplishment for me..i painted and decorated each and everyone on my own..haha

anyway besides the food mentioned above...there is also this famous 'Ah Zhong min xian'....its is a type of noodles and it is totally unbelievably tasty...ahahh...okay throughtout the trip it was food and more food. Also, we shopped at Ximending and Wufenpu...bought clothes shoes and bags...hahah at quite gd prices...

anyway me and huiying got qiute a nice surprise when we came back...jon, wei min n grace actually came to pick us up at the airport. both of us were shocked to see them...hahah...had so much to catch up even though it was juz 5 days... (i really thank God tat i have such wonderful friends)

well the trip was enjoyable..relaxing...still i think the next time i go on trips i want to do more adventerous things. Smthing more fun and maybe with more friends too...maybe climb a mountain, backpacking, camping, treking, diving...blah blah...lots of things i wanna do n lots of places i wanna see....hahah well still i'm glad this trip took things off my mind and i got a well deserved break after 7mths of work immediately after the exams last yr...hahah

damn long post sia...okay i muz tell myself to stop...further updates maybe another day..hahh...

colourless

2007-06-03T01:21:00.000+08:00

Colourless

well tis entry is in red bcos i'm reali reali frustrated with life now...

for the past few weeks i'm not in a good mood and i reali hate myself for the way i am..

many things have happened and it is all taking a toil on me...

i'm tired...when will it be all over...

2nd JUNE

today went down to watch the PA races at bedok,i have to say that th juniors have put in efforts and although there were both tears of joy and sadness, they have done themselves proud. Many got into finals and i pray that all will go well for them.

then hy, grace, jon, wei min n me wanted to watch pirates of the carribean but all the show time were all selling fast except for those late nites one...well got to catch it next wk...

then went to chill at carl's junior...sat n chit chat...haha

well..for the past week and the following week has been work work n still work...

on the 9th MAy will e my last day at LHub..haha...after 6mths with the company...finally...

well will miss the fun time there though...

anyway i've been thinking a lot recently...got rejected by both ntu n nus...so thinking of wat to write for the appeal...(headache)

then to top of that i got news that my grand aunt has been dignosed with bone canner...and it dosen't look hopeful...

to top it off...my aunts have been callin to ask abt my uni admission..

they said a lot of mean and horrible things tat really mad me very upset and mad...

then i begin to think...why does ll bad things happen altogther...

why one after another...is there more to come...

well i have been askin GOD what are his plans for me...

i'm feel reali lost and hopeless...am i gettin anywhere? wat isit tat HE wants me to understand? i realli can't feel it, see it or understand it...

ever since i got my A levels results nothin goes my way...

haven't i had enuf? how much longer will tis go on? i got no idea...

since young i have always believed that workin hard i'll be able to get wat i want...

i believed i have worked hard.. i dun asked to be the best at everything...

but i have always been average or at least comparable among my peers...

yet now i'm reduced to almost nothin compared to everyone...even compared to my past...

i dun have a lot of wants, i'm a easily satisfied person...

i juz want a happy family, great friends and to get into Uni...

is that too much to ask for?

i've already lost the warmth i used to get from my family and more problems

are arising from it...is there more to lose?

wat will i be left with? i am afraid to look into the future...afraid to see wat is coming...

running away from reality has become a day to day thing from me...

yet i dun wan ppl ard me to be affected...so juz pretend i'm ok?

i'm tired...i'm losing it...

i know many ppl are facing other problems themselves too...

and if they can overcome it why cant i? i'm trying real hard to get over it...

life has become kinda meaningless now...as though it has lost it colour...

super duper ultra boing- complicated thoughts

2007-05-02T00:59:00.000+08:00

well...well...well, my last entry was in March and now it is alreay May....how time flies...

its been abt 2 months since i last blogged..

okoko....maybe i'll back track and see how far i can go...

As for the past few days i've been spending a lot of time with my grp of friends,

meeting up and chilling out juz enjoying the time we spend together...

On sat Jon book out of camp so he came to bedok reservior..hahaha.....

for the first time see him after he cut his hair...surprisingly both me n huiying thought he looked normal....( we were expecting him to look kinda weird though )..hahha

later in the night we meet up for drinks at Rendevouz Hotel...the drinks was really ex la..

too bad it was Wee Kang's brother's bdae so he can't join us...(sad!!)

then wanted to watch 200 punds beauty but all the show time not suitable and we end up playing pool at the Monter i think...Perry and his friend was there too....

haha..Huiying n Perry were really very animated tat nite..funny sia the 2 of them...

then Jon and i went to Zouk at abt 12plus...

all bcos of him la...keep tempting me to go club...well i've to admit that in the first place i was very tempted to club cos very long never go le...hahah

nt bad la but i was nt tat high though...went home at abt 5 plus...

was kinda tired and a bit nt myself..hahah

(thanks for paying for everything that nite though..hahahah)

Then on monday ..went to watch 200 pounds beauty with Jon...the show was damn nice la...

no wonder mr chua, hy n grace watched it so many times...it was funny and touching at the same time...then supposed to meet up tat nite with wee kang but he was sick...( so poor thing book out also sick....)

well spent the night talking to mel n mag...

nice long chitchat session where we caught up on many things...

thanks for listening to tis old woman nag....

Then on tuesday it was Labour's Day...haha..supposed to meet the gang at bugis at 2pm... end up meeting them at like 4pm...

(haha...hy somemore tell me nt to come so late bcos i'm always super late...)

well...all thanks to that collegue of mine...i had to meet up with wenqi n amanda to collect their timesheet...then find the rest at TCC...

haha...then jon left at abt 5plus to go back into 'prision' (tats wat he calls it)...went for dinner at a jap restaurent nearby with mr n mrs chua n maxi,

n mr chua keep making fun of the 3 of us( me , hy n grace)...bully la

....b4 we all headed home....

( haha...juz ended an hour long phone call with hy...)

okay... due to my short term memory....i can onli generally say wats going on....

currently i'm still working at the same company at tanjong pagar...this admin job is truely really boring...for the past few weeks was kind hectic but after that was super boring...

now i'm like staring at the com with nothin to do..its like they pay me to slack lydat...

hahah...

but still its good money...and most probably i'll stop working in june...gonna take a break and if i want, maybe get a F & B job...well the pay is low but its smthin i wld like to do for a change...

also...i'm still taking driving lessons...got my practical test date n it like only 2 more mths from now...hahah..hopfully i can pass sia...if not got to waste time to take again...

yeah...this few days i've been worrying abt my results..quite a majority of them already got something from the uni...n i haven't got anything...hahah...

so i'm really worried...wat if i'm not accepted into any of the universities

wat am i gonna do??? i really dunno...feels kinda lost in all these...

but... still thanks to hy n grace for being so thoughtful to try nt to bring the subject up ..for they were afraid i'm gonna get upset...thank gals...

haiz...sian to think abt all these....

also life is kinda boring now....i'm currently seeking a more active job and a more active life..something i can move abt....hahah...at least i dun have to sit at the desk the whole day....

anyway recently smthin weird is going on....dunno how such a thing even came abt..

for all those who know thanks for being my listening ear...

for those who don't...dun try to ask me...

n its kinda bothering me leaving me feeling mixed up...or should i put it ...maybe its juz me...

i guess i think too much at times too....

well i shld take everyone advice and juz be normal i guess....

i guess the weirdest things happens to ppl at times...

hahah...thanks for reading till the end...i know i'm really long winded....

tats wat friends are for...

2007-03-09T22:43:00.000+08:00

wow..i wonder how long has it been since my last entry...anywa nobody reads my blog so its alright...haha..its also gd cos can say anything i want n by the time people realised it, i would have gotten over it...hahaha

well, although a month has just passed..a lot have taken place n it has got me thinking about a lot of things...

1) the a level results were released and to my dissapointment...i did badly...
seriously i didn't expect it to turn out so badly, even though i know will nt do so well...
felt like a total fool when i saw my results..all the hard work,time and effort it was like all for
nothin...(i know i shouldn't complain or regret for wat has happened already happend...no
point crying over spilled milk)...but really i juz can't help but feel terrible....
wat made it worst was knowing tat my mum was so dissapointed in me...its realli hard not
living up to wat others expect of u....

but like i told u before...dun expect too much out of me...

reali...n how would you feel to hear someone say 'u could have done much better if u had
actually put in more effort...then you dun have to be so worried now'
reali tell me how would hav reacted to it???
sadly it hurts...realli hurts...especially from someone who knows me best
and i have always thought u know i already tried, i even thought u wld comfort me(haha!)...
till today, i'm lying if i say i'm not upset about my results...

2) i know people change, but i reali dun want to lose another friend bcos of tis...
u were the one who was there to comfort me when i got my results, kept me company for the
whole day...yet 2 wks after it, it seems as though we hardly have things to say to each other
i reali wonder y??? have i distanced myself from u? isit my fault? one minute we were
chatting away happily on the phone for hours n next wat???
i reali dunno... reali dunno wat to think...
sometimes i reali hate myself for lettin all these happen...but i do hope things take a turn for
the better...
wat to do...all my friends means too much to me...
( it happend before n i won't let it happen again ... )

3) haiz...about the uni courses i have to choose its reali gettin on my nerves...
thinking about wat and how to put my choices...reali very 'fan' ...but wat to do...
face it la...lets hope tat i make the right choices now...

haiz...still life has to go on no matter wat happens...

we all live for the wat the future holds for us...so its important that we look forward and move on from the experiences and lessons we have gained from the past...

that is wat life is about...

hahah...on the lighter side of things...

haha i started my practical driving lessons already...and its reali fun...

although like all beginners i have some hicups...still its going quite smoothly,haven't knocked down anyone yet..(sounds familar huh...u shld know if you said tis)..haha

well...working at office have been quite slack these few days...haha..paid to slack, yesterday my boss even treated all of us to ice-cream...haha...wat more can i ask...hehe...

well dunno y tonite i feel especially emo...

reali felt like talking to someone but i juz can't get myself to make the call to anyone...

also i dunno who to call also...

(who wants to listen to me anyway..haha)

so tats y i'm venting all my fraustations here...

there is just so much that i want to say but i think i'll let it pass...

keep quiet n it will go away??

sorry if i'm being too long winded...

but dun worry..i'm stil hanging on....

hahah....yeh canoeing chalet nxt week...n i'm looking forward to it...

anway...to all those who were worried about mi...dun worry..i'm perfectly fine...haha...

**not everything goes ur way in life**

boring sunday...

2007-02-11T23:27:00.000+08:00

mmm....today is boring day thus i 'm blogging....
well 1 week juz went by again..how fast time flies... sometimes its realily scary u know...
okay...on thursday i took my BTT...and i passed...but i redid my paper quite a number of times...
was inda worried tat i wld fail...(wk kept sayin i'll fail la....)..haha

okay on sat morning went down for trng at bedok reservior, trng was supposed to start at 10..then supposed to meet jon n wk at macs at 9 to teach them how to fold flowers...haha..
well jon was late n wk never showed up!!!( wk is a pig...always sleeping)..haha
n guess wat..i ran 1 round ard the reservior...okay wei ming was there today so i had company for the first half of the run...
haha,its gd tat he was ard if nt i think i would have walked instead of running...hahha
tried rowing the rengata k2 with hy was kinda unstable...but it was worst when i tried it with wei ming...haha we keep capping...like every few strokes we cap...then jon will have to save us...hahah...kinda paiseh though...
n afiqka was so so funny...she reali keep most of us laughing all day...

haha..well i'm suffering the aftermath of spending the day out yesterday...
had a terrible sunburn..red as a lobster..hahah..sure kena laugh at by my supervisor tmr...
muscle aching like crazy...dun even remb when was the last time tat i ran lydat...haha..
ohh...me n hy went for the NTU talk at suntec today...
got to know more abt the courses avialble...but it was reali packed...
also we saw a lot of ppl from tpjc there too...

okok..tats the boring life i'm living now...
haha..muz look harder for another job, n muz go shoppin for the things i need...
haha...

things aren't going well as i had expected...yet i feel helpless tat i could not do anything about it...

worries....for alevels results...

2007-02-07T00:16:00.000+08:00

well today i'm kinda tired but in the end still came online...haha...
as for today, me n jon took half day leave to chill out at marina square with hy,wee kang n mr chua...actually grace was suppose to be there also but last minute she had to go home...
well ...(miss u grace...hahah...cos nobody accompany home...heheh okay we had lunch then we went to kbox...hahah...from 3-6.45pm we were there la...
mr chua sang quite a nunber of songs n he was really entertaining...hahah
both me n huiying were quite lame tooo..haha...okay smthin is wrong with everyone today...
still we all had a great time there....
then its dinner at mac, but b4 tat we chatted for quite a bit about the life we had and wat we wanted in uni...haiz...
haha...finally we got down to ordering our food and it was more chit chattin...
wee kang left at about 9pm to pick andrea up at great world ( ohh,...isn't he nice???)...
the we left at 10pm n headed for home...guess all of us were tired...

well, the journey home was kinda lonely with no one to talk to...hahah
n i started thinking abt wat we all said today....
we did talk abt the a levels results, n yes i'm worried abt it...
really... like hy, i've got expectations to meet...cos it's not just abt me...
i'm afraid of failure...honestly i realli dunno wat i wld do if i do really terribly...
haiz...all i can hope is tat the results will turn out well...hahah...
i know its not the end of the world if u do badly..but its as gd as wasting ur time on smthing tat reaps no returns after all the hard work tat u have put in...
i know how the feelin is...n it totally sucks...
being worried is one thing...bu honestly wat else can we do? we can't turn back time or anything....so i guess like wat jon said 'wat'syours will be yours'...
n it does makes sense....hahah...( still i can't help but worry...)

i got to know smthin i shdn't today...but there's nothin i can reali do abt it...
i can't help it if you want to think this way...but all i can say is there are more things in life that are more worthy of your attention...

su fern's wedding...

2007-01-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

hahah...saturday 27th was my cousin Su Fern's wedding...the wedding dinner was held a The Oriental Hotel...and the place was magnificient...

haha...got something to wear at the very last minute...mummy made me buy it on friday night la...(she said if i dun get something to wear then dun go home)..hahah

okay ..for the first time i'm doing my make up all by myself...and its the complete make-up bcos mummy keeps insisting tat she dunno how to help me..hiaz...

but sill i was quite happy with the outcome la...at least i didn't make myself to be like a clown...

they had the reception first, then there was the solemisation...

i had no idea tat it could be done outside the registery of marriage...

well when they said the vows it was so touching...

then there was this part when the groom made his speech...

my cousin was so touched tat she started crying...ohhh....

then wt was more lovely was the groom sang the song ' Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You' while playing the piano...so sweet of him right...

his speech was really so touching...

well the pictures i took with my cousin i'll post it when she sends them to me...

for the time being here are some tat i took tat day...

my cousin betrice, uncle mathew, my bros and me...

the shark fin soup...its really different n its damn tasty...mmm

chocolate mousse...tat was wat he had for desert...delicious...

tats me at my first attempt...haha..my bro took it for me...

slacking...

2007-01-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

hahahaha...

yesterday i did not report to work...well was feeling terrible when i got up in the morning...

it was as thought all my strength was drained off n was feeling lightheaded, ...so went back to sleep...

woke up at around 12pm...

i've got to say that's one of the best sleep tat i've had in this whole month...

as for the rest of the day, i slacked at home...

its really totally shiok!!! ...its reali been a long time since i've rested like that...

mised those days man...

well, sarah's finally back...and i got to see her on tuesday night at mr chua's place...

haha...on the way there i even met elvin n his friends...

its been a long time since i saw my classmates, 05S04...i reali miss gettin together...

well...there a few i miss dearly n u know who u are...haha...

kay... at first i decided not to go to mr chua's place one...cos i was damn fed up and so angry...

n i did not want them to know i was nt in good mood...

but decided to go in the end so as to see sarah...

well...things are not going my way, n i juz dun like it...

hate myself for feeling tat way..but really i've been on a short leash lately...

haha...today work was quite alrght...

haha...wokeup late la...suppose to leave by 8am...i woke up at 7.35am la...

haha..tats bcos i did not set the alarm clock...my fault...

luckily they all had staff meeting...so it was not tat bad...

haha...then today kok weng (my supervisor) got into a pissed off mood n started scolding f***...

hahah...but u shlould have seen his expression...

it was so damn hilarious...then he said ' i want to f*** her'...if u dun think it in the wrong way...

he was kinda pissed with her...

but my collegue was juz laughing at how funny he was....

hahaha....

if onli i could turn back time...

boring..boring...

2007-01-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

WAT A BORING LIFE...

haha...life has been boring these few day...althought i'm like working it still is boring...

haha...

okay...the busy period is now over and i'm back to calling people to collect their certificates...

and other than tat i'm not doing much...so slacked around abit today...

well, at least jon is working with me there...

if not it will be even more ultra boring.

Actually in fact i miss going back to school...i might have mentioned before,

tat everyday in the morning when i see sunshine, how i wished i was back at school,

having PE lessons or even boring lectures....

haiz...instead everydat i've got to make my way n squeeze with the morning rush to get to tanjong pagar...

haha...well, i prefer the school life at least there is a variety of things to do everyday...

but now i'm repeating my days la...juz living from day to day...

okok...i think i shld stop complaining, maybe i'll think of a better way to make life more interesting...we'll see abt it...

hahah

actually over the weekend i think i said smthin wrong,

in fact i never would have thought abt it...so if i've upset u...

i'm sorry...

anyway..sarah is back....

my dearest partner has flew back from US...haha...

well...meetin up for dinner soon rite ppl?

haha...looking forward to see her...

haha...

after a month...

2007-01-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

After so long....

haha...its been more than a month or so since i last blogged...

well a lot ha happened during this one month...

this is a new year and i do hope that everything will go well for me...

okay currently i'm working at NTUC learning hub at International Plaza...

initially the job was still mangeable, but since the end of december it took a turn for the worst...

well now i'm stuck with people complaining about me...

haha...

anyway magdaline came to work at my place for 4 days last week...but poor her she is down with chicken pox now...really miss being able to work with her...

but not too bad la..since mag can't work..i got jon to replace her!!!

and i have to say the company really hire jon to slack la...

he gets all the easy job...

both he and i are temporary staff. why are his tasks less demanding???

haha...i'm so jealous...hahaha

now a days my life is really boring...

morning report to work then stay in the office till its time to knock off at 6pm...

then take all those nonsence in the office from those unreasonable customers that i've got to talk to...

then its back to home sweet home...

really like no life la...and the only thing tat i look forward to is meeting up with my canoeing friends for dinner and having 'coffee session' with them...

they are the only people tat makes me look forward to something at the end of the day...

hahahaha...

guess i'll update more often now since i'm so bored tat i've got not much to do....haha

canoeing team farewell

2006-12-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL MY JUNIORS FOR GIVING US SUCH A SPLENDID AND MEMORABLE FAREWELL...
really felt bad tat i could not make it down to the friendly tat the team was having with njc and sajc in the morning.
met the team at bedok reservior b4 i headed home with sarah to change...

the farewell was really amazing, thank you each n evryone of u...u all really put in a lot of effort n time...n we really appriciate it.
me,sarah,huiying,grace n wei ming arrived early at SUNHAVEN
then got to wait for everyone to come first...
haha..meanwhile we gossiped, joked n ate...
when everyone was here...there was another surprise la...
all of us have to put on these cute looking bunny ears...
its was hilarious...
(will upload the phots once i receive them...)
then we were led to the bbq area...
somemore we had to hop there...
ahhh...it was really a rare sight man...

the place was really well decorated la...
the table was set with candles n it was juz so lovely...
the juniors were all really very thoughtful...
food was also barberqued n served by them...
awww...so sweet rite...
then there was the 'hai dai' games session...
it was really damn funny...
especially mr chua who was playing...
totally throw away all image to play la...
haha..all of us really had a good laugh tat time...
then after dinner we were taken back to the function room to view a powerpoint tat the juniors made...

to tell u the truth i was really touched by all tat they have done...
everything tat was shown felt do real, words tat were spoken straight from the heart

hehe...the girls even baked 2 cheese cakes for us...
the cheese cake was really delicious...
thanks girls...
then the seniors went up to mr chua's place...
he was so nice...
we made him sing the song 'tong hua' for us..
it was really touching...we could totally relate to the lyrics...

if i cld i would really love to stay with the canoeing team...
the feelin of being with them feels juz like a family...
i will miss each n everyone in the canoeing team...
u are the ppl tat made a difference in my life,
the ppl tat i spent my happy n sad times with,
the ppl tat i went thru so much with...
i really can't bear to part with u all...

okay...emotions aside...after the farewell was party time at MOS
hehe..went back to grac's place to change before huiying, grace n i cab down to MOS...
met up with the juniors there...n by the time went went in was 12 plus...
the place was so damn packed la...
haha...got underaged party wat to do...
managed to squeeze onto the dance floor...
but was seperated from grace n huiying...so i was kinda worried initally...
then i was with berlinda, evelyn , suzhen n elvis...
the place was so packed tat there is almost no space to move la...
seriously there were many times tat ur feet will be stepped on n being pushed till u lose ur balance...
still we had fun...
finally found huiying n grace after some time...
before i know..it was nearly 4 am in the morning already...
its like being on the dance floor for 3hrs plus without a break...
phewww...never saw tat coming...
hate to admit it...although its onli my 2nd time clubbing...
i kinda like the feelin, its juz feels different, it as though for tat moment i can have all the time to myself...
guess i can go high even dancing...haha
well..it was fun clubbing with my juniors hehe...

well left ard 4 plus...n made our way to the nearest mac...
haha...funny thing was my handphone n grace's housekeys were in wee kang's bag...
who in fact already left for his friend's place...
okay..so we had to wait till 6am b4 we catch a cab to bedok to retrive the housekeys n phone....haha...tat was quite interesting indeed...
so..lesson learnt..its better to carry ur belongings with u...
n also to bring ez-link card..to save on the cab fare...haha

sometimes the more u try to explain urself,
the more awkward i feel...
maybe its better tat i don't know certain things...
cos the more i know...
the more i feel i'm taking a step back...

MIA for a long time...

2006-12-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

its been a very long time since i blog...well let see...
decided to change the blogskin...chose a black n white one
cos sarah say i can be completely 2 different person, juz like black n white so here it is...

okay let me juz do the highlights...
prom, stand chart marathon,canoeing farwell

23rd November 2006
It was TPJC prom night.the night was one of glitz n glamour.
Everyone juz looked so different tat night. the girls were all so pretty n the guys were all well groomed. Took many many picts tat night. Haha pratically running from place to place n taking picts everywhere.These will always be precious memories to me. Prom with the class was fun...daphne, jy n mel all won something from the lucky draw, damn lucky la...
Anyway after the dinner, (the food was not tat bad actually), we went back to the hotel room to freshen up, n of course some went to change.
then the class headed down to DXO at esplande.
meet hy, grace, sarah n mr chua at the food centre outside DXO n chatted with them for a while, hy n grace headed over to zouk while i stayed at DXO.
OK to be honest, tat ws my first time clubbing.
Haha, honestly i kinda like the feeling being there althought the music aws damn loud. Didn't drink much, pauline,jy,daphne n i went to explore the place before we hit the dance floor again. Saw jon n wee kang there too...
after the party at 4am we went to look for 7-11 cos all of us damn thirsty...
we din want to get drinks inside DXO cos kinda dilute n not very nice also...
haha...saw jon...he was dead drunk la...blabbering nonsense n shouting somemore...
haiz...haha..

pretty jieying n me

the canoeing team

my dearest partner sarah

me, pauline, bang ling n kenneth

3rd December 2006

tat day was the standard charterd marathon n it was my first time taking part in a marathon...
honestly..i have not really trained for it.
huying, grace , sarah n i took part in the women's 10Km run...
but sarah fell sick so in the end din make it for the run...
actually the 10km run was not as bad as i thought it was...
in fact it was actually quite fun...
especially the last sprint tat u take...
the feelin was juz so amazing...
it juz feels really good la...
haha..even though thru the 10km we walked for abt 1km...
we managed to complete it in abt 1hr 12 mins...
actually for a first timer i guess its quite an alright timing already...

haha..saw a lot of ppl there.
ber,alvin,franz,mag,mel,choo,feng,jason were also there to run the 42km full marathon...
i really hand it up to them...
well saw some track members there also..guess the track team did take part too...
after tat still went to work...
it was killer...

the very nxt day din feel like waking up at all la...
muscle aching like shit...
haha

2006-11-06T14:04:00.000+08:00

What hurts the most - Rascal flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

graduation

2006-10-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

graduation...

today(its past 12 so its yesterday...) is officially the last day of my JC life in tpjc. It just so magical how time really flies. It just seemed like only yesterday that i stepped into tpjc to begin my 2 yr journey...yet now the journey is coming to an end. Although i admit that i do complain abt coming to sch and all tat, i think in the future i'll miss coming to sch.
No more off gathering in the courtyard, no more national anthem n sch song, no more wearing of the uniform...

No more spending time slacking in the canteen, skipping classes and all the lame stuffs tat we always do...smthin tat i'll really miss...How i wish time didn't pass so fast so tat i can have more fun with my friends...
Still...i'm contened with all tat i have...i'm glad i made the choice to come to tpjc...if not i would not have gotten to know a lovely and unique grp of classmates. My class -05S04... really glad to have been able to spend my 2 yrs with you all...u really made life so fullfilling and meaningful...
Also if i had nt come to tp...i wld not have joined canoeing and got to know this bunch of great pals and all the great times we spent together...

haiz...after the exams we are really on our own already...that's y i dun want sch to end...the feeling of insecurity and loneliness not having my friends to lean on...not knowing i'm in a safe environment..

i was standing in the hall in one coner...watching everyone happily taking pictures... i saw how happy my class was...memories everyone is trying to capture...how i really wish everything was not coming to an end.
will we still keep in contact? will we still be close as before? i do not want to think...
the feeling of letting go is just not nice at all...
still...we have to move on in life...but i hope tat none of us will ever forget the times we all shared...happy or sad...rain or shine...

back to studying...

*some thoughts i had in mind*

feeling stress out...

2006-10-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

dunno wats wrong with mi today...
i'm really in a lousy mood today...
everything juz seems to get on my nerves...sick..

well it all started when i had to wait for 2 whole period for my maths teacher outside the staff room...
he agreeded to see us tat time but then he went for lunch...
told the others he'll take a while...
then after 2 periods i called them...he was still in the canteen...
damn irritating...
waited like a fool there la...
then everyone i call dun want to pick up their calls...
to the extend tat i called 5 times still dun want to pick up...
(sorry..i'm nt angry with ur...juz nt in gd mood la)

right now i can really smash everything in my sight...
(okok...get control of urself alicia...)
really stress....trying to take it easy already...but the pressure is really too much....ahhhhhhh
i'm screaming into my pillow..punching the wall...
BUT it does nt help....

so...so ...irritated.....

24 days to a level...

2006-10-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

well...24 more days to a-levels...
taking some time in between papers to relax a little..

these few weeks have really been hectic for mi...
trying to do all i can any maybe create a miracle in the last 3 wks...
been really under a lot of stress...guess everyone feels the same way especially when the examinations is sooo...near...

well...would like to share this with everyone of my friends out there...

you know...what we see is actually very important...
so wat kind of perspectives do we have in life...
juz let u know that God is good...
prosperity is wat he wants to give to his children...
but we muz know tat success comes with contentment...

soo...we should have a heavenly perspective...
see things the way God sees them...
how u may ask?
first of course we need to see God...
- most of the time we juz think of all the problems
but in God's eye its an opportunity in the mist of difficulties...
- when we see God...
he becomes bigger than our problems...
nothing is too tough tat we can't overcome when we have faith in him...

therefore....
we all muz have a positive attitude...
cos it really affects how much we believe in ourselves...
we serve a faithful God n believe it...
every obstacle is there for a reason...

hey friends...in the mist of mugging do take care...
n dun forget...to see opportunities in the mist of difficulties...
haha...

back to the papers...

moving on...

2006-10-02T01:04:00.000+08:00

hehe...wk if u are reading this...thanks for the concern...

well its been quite some time since i last blog or came online...haha
anyway time really flies n now its only one month away from the A-levels...muz work hard...its the last burst i guess...

a lot happened in the past week...

got back almost all of my results...
which i'm totally dissapointed with...
although i know i won't do well but still it was shocking...
its ike F F F.. close to tat la...
its the worst result tat i have ever gotten in my whole life as a student...
my grades are dropping like crazy...
the results juz hit mi right in the face...
( dunno isit a wake up call or to face reality....)
but those horrendous results juz totally consumed mi when i saw them...
couldn't control my emotions....
the dissapointment in not meeting my own expectations n worst my mother's...
they all expect mi to fair well in sch...i really dunno wat to tell them abt it...well guess i'll get more than an earful from then this time round...
still i'm thankful for the comfort n support tat Pauline has given mi...
she'll always be there when i needed her...
thank you...i won't give up so easily....

but so wat if i dun do well in the prelims...
y waste my time wallowing in self pity ...waste my tears...
ok...so take a few mintues to cry over the bad results but after tat should juz move on...
while i'm crying ppl are making use of the time to study...
tats the way it shld be...optimise every minute tat i have now...
then at church tat day...god showed mi tat no matter how terrible things are he has always been by my side...
never once did he leave mi or forsake mi...
its mi who distanced myself from him...

'come to the father, though ur gift is small,
broken hearts n broken lifes,
he will take them all,
the power of the words,
the power of his love,
everything was done so you would come'

i found my strenght to be brave all the obstacles tat are gonna come my way...it suddenly made sense to mi wat mr tan was driving at tat day...
tat nothing is so bad tat theree is no way out...
there is always a way round it...
its not the end of the world when we dun do well...
there is always another alternative route to take...
so...yes...
life is short...so since i am in sch now so juz do the best tat i can...
should not worry about the results..juz study...
dun let what has happened affect mi...

haiya...at home things are nt peaceful also...
my aunty having problems with her husband...
i really dun understand y husbands like to cheat on their wives so much... really dun understand...
i dun mean all husbands are like tat but those around mi happended to be like tat n i dun see y...
haiz...
then mummy is having terrible mood swings i think...
every weekend she is throwing her temper...
dunno wat to say to her too...

well...long entry i know...
but wat to do..all my thoughts i can't tell to anyone but write on the blog...
so bloggie hope u understand...

jia you...

2006-09-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

prelims are finally over...
well time to rest for a while before working towards the a-levels again...

for the past 2 days was really a rest and relax day i guess...kept myself busy...
so that i won't let my thoughts wonder about and start on all my nonsence again...

bio mcq was alright i guess....hopefully it would be of help...
then after tat went swimming...finished 20 laps then go off already...
then met jy ,daphne,pauline and amanda at orchard road..
walked almost the whole of far east ,pauline and amanda got earings...
jy got a apir of shoes which we had to go Heeran to collect...then daphne got a shirt...
well in the end i came home empty handed....haha...
then we had dinner at cinelesiure the Bestro's or something like tat...
the dinner was so filling and the place the ambience is so nice...
hehe...so we spent like 4 plus hours there...
left orchard at about 10 plus...
we were all so tired la...
guess muz be all the walking...well at least we got to do quite a bit of things in a day...

then on fri...
pauline, kenneth, wei ming and i want to play badminton...
wei ming invited us to his club in changi...n the play is really so nice...
its quiet and so peaceful...
haha..then wei ming's friend carlton came too...
carlton is damn pro can...he is from catholic high and sec 2 onli...
then the 4 of them play doubles...so experts sia...

well then i took kenneth's place of the 4...n then we played...
i totally suck can...so sia suey....
first i dun know any thing about the serving rule and the switching of courts...
then subsequently..we even do without the serving rule...
haha...all i cld say was 'sorry sorry'...haha...
i realised badminton requires quick reflexs and fast moves...
haha...wei ming had to keep telling mi to move...if nt i'll stand there like a block...
u have to see how wei ming and carlton play man..they all so zai la..
especially wei ming...his strokes we fast and powerful sia...
hopefully i picked up some skill while i watched him play...haha...
n actually badminton is very fun too...
now i understand y wei ming is so into badminton...haha...

then after tat went to changi village with pauline n kenneth for dinner...
had nasi lemak...damn full...
haha..then we went to sunny island...stood by the beach watching the waves, ships and the planes tat were flying so close to us...
the beach was very quiet so it was really very nice...
we wanted to leave already...then saw the sun setting and decided to watch the sunset...
the view was amazing...
although there were clouds...the 3 of us juz sat there n chatted as we watched the sun set...
its been some time since i watched a sunset...
the feeling was juz so calming...
(but felt like a big light blub though....)

haha...muscle aching all over...
but can't be bothered...
at least i managed to do many of the things i wanted to do....

i dunno wat to say...

2006-09-20T00:34:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to say...

Dear blog,

my eyes are sore from all the crying and i've ran out of tears...

its been a long time since i felt so terrible or even cried till lydat...

hai...

i totally screwed up the maths paper today...to top it off almost everyone felt tat the statitics part was do-able, and tat was the part which i practised damn hard for yet i could hardly answer the questions...

wat more can i expect man...

dunno y...i almost cried doing the paper...

but still i know better than to waste my time on tat...

u know life juz sucks big time for mi...i juz couldn't figure out wat is going on...n it is killing mi everyday...eating away the inside of mi...slowly and painfully...

felt tat i needed to be alone and so i sat myself down at the park and started talking to myself.

cannot bear the thought tat i'm alctually gonna flunk my prelims when i studied so hard for it...the feeling is really horrible...yes i admit i'm afraid of failure...but when i actually specifically studied for it...wth...i onli ask to pass all my subjucts...as in a clear pass with at least Cs and Ds is tat too much to ask for...i dun think so...

never have i felt like today...i mean even do badly also still acceptable tat kind...but yet today i'm so afraid of getting all Fs for all of my subjects...juz so afraid...

so frighten tat i can never pass my a-levels...

i'm really have problems coming to term with myself fairing so badly in exams...juz cannot accept tat...am i expecting too much of myself?

i dun think so...

dunno y well...this sparked off alot of thoughts...i think i've accumulating too much inside mi that it became overwhelming..

but still the fear in me is so strong that i'm really starting to hate myself...

arrh...yet the other part of mi is telling mi to stop all this self pitying...

stop all this crying and feeling bad all these nonsence...

i shlould be strong and pull myself up..i dun need anyone...

i can do it as long as i believe i can...show everyone wat i'm capable of and yes i can do well and tat i shld have a postive mindset and be optimistic when face with troubles...learn to overcome it and move on...

yes...i do think in tat way too...but well...

I hate looking myself in the mirror,

I hate knowing I have fear.

I hate seeing what isn't there,

I hate feeling that I am scared.

I hate believing what isn't true,

I hate believing and trusting you.

I hate crying myself to sleep,

Forgive me for I have dreams.

I feel left out and all alone,

With no one to call my own.

My eyes are red and I cry blood,

Please help me or I'll cry a flood.

My friends see what I let them see,

If they only could see the true side of me.

And as I die inside with pain,

Please don't think that I'm insane.

Cause believe it or not I have a heart,

That's been slowly torn apart

well tats mi...

prelims...a sad story...

2006-09-14T16:23:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i last blog...
well...wats up with mi...
can't believe i'm actually bloging in the mist of the prelims...

i have come to realised smth...
the old saying 'u reap wat u sow' does not actually apply to everyone...
sometimes i ask myslef wat the heck do i study so hard for...
when i know tat i would do badly...
somtimes i ask...if everything is planned for mi...
y can't i know wat is the plan...
so tat i will not have to put in so much effort to seek wat will not be mine eventually...
there are even times when i wonder if this is wat i should be doing...
this is driving me crazy man...

to think i tried so hard...put in so much time and energy...
yet results are still not seen....
to think tat i even though i've not done enough...
like wat the hell is wrong with mi...
isn't it obvious enough that my hard work is not paid off...

prelims is juz like living through a nightmare...
it was really horrible...
to start of with it...the perneral paper totally sucks...
then came the chemistry paper 3 which i hardly had time to finish...
then maths paper...which i think i srew up...i'll be considered lucky if i can get 30 marks from tat paper...
as for the bio paper 2...it was the worst paper so far..
i mean like for the paper test and exam its always the essay part tat i do well in...
this time i barely completed 1 essay question out the 2 i'm supposed to do...
i juz cross my fingers tat the stuctured part is better...
by the time it came to chem paper 2...well...
tried to do all the qns...but still unable to complete the paper...
but really got no feelings already...
as for the rest of the paper..i think i'll juz sit through it...
anyway i'm numb to the dissapointment already...

in fact..i think the attitude now is juz to get over n done with
all this crap...
the results will be horrible...expected...
heck care...
wat can i say maybe i juz don't deserve to do well...
maybe after all at the end of the day...i'm nt the academic type...
ahh....dunno juz wat problem i have man...

can't hope or expect much also...
as the saying goes..the higher u hope the harder the fall...
if onli one can juz fall n die without worries...
i'll be the first on the list...
but tat is so not true...

i really dunno wat to do..everyday go to sch see everyone studying so hard...
when people around mi ard feel down or feel its not worth the effort
i always encourage them to juz keep trying...
the hard work will be paid off..
when even i myself can't do tat...
wat position am i in to tell others to be optismistic all tat...
can't believe i'm such a hypocrite

i think i'll have to correct my attitude...
but how long will i take...
who knows...
maybe a day..or a week...or a month...
all i know is tat i'm running out of time...

depressed...

2006-08-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

today's post is a bit depressing i guess....

its been a few days since i blog...
the weekends were horribly spent...
well the chemistry test on sat was kinda ok...
manage to get thru it...
then went for lunch, jy daph n hongrui went to eat a pasta...mi a nd amanda too broke so settled for food court...
want to study at daph place but in the end decided to go home...
went for church...
then in the night got another earful from my mother....
say i'm nt studying so on and so forth...
realli got kinda pissed...

sunday wanted to go swimming to vent my frustrations...
but woke up in the morning to find it raining...then it din stop until in the afternoon la...
stayed at home n mug..mug...mug...
then in the evening went to run...
i was so frustrated so ran n ran nt knowingly i covered 3.5km....
haha...well muscle ache lor...
but it felt great la...

monday pe for 4 periods straight la...haha
played soccer...
its the last session...but the other class onli got 2 person showed up..
so in the end, end up playing against ourselves...
for 2 periods soccer, then went to play netball, then a bit of vollyball...
then finally badminton...
so hiong sia...it was reali sports day for the class...
haha...
then in the afternoon studied abit onli then got tuition....
still got to complete a gp essay...
hai..stayed up the night to do it la...

so finally today...
wats interestinfg was wat happened at the end of the day...
regan n some year 1 bengs nearly got into a fight...
but it was reali hilarious to watch cos the bengs behavious were damn funnie...haha
they were picking on little things n were so childish...
behaving like some no brainer...haha...more like normal tech bengs who go ard picking fights...
pls...grow up la...i really wonder how did such ppl make it to jc...

well...i saw my maths test results today...
was really dissapointing...
felt totally like a fool...
actually i studied quite hard for it...in the end i still failed...
it was really upseting ...
especially when someone said to mi tat maybe i have nt worked hard enough n tat i shld work harder....
worst of all...
someone also said :dunno y u study so hard but always score so badly....
i noe ur don't mean it in a bad way but i juz feel terible hearing all these lor...
realli i begin to wonder study so hard for wat...
in the end still lydat...
i realli dunno wat to do already...
realli feel like giving it all up...
sometimes it reali too much for me to bear...

lately i've lost the will to study...
too much is on my mind...
i reali cannot concerntrate...
i begin to question everything...
y is life so complicated...
hope i will be able to find the answer soon....

i think i have done smthin wrong...
it was a mistake i could have prevented...
yet i chose to avoid it...
thinking tat things will resolve by itself...
this has nearly cost me a dear freindship...
is there anyway i can make up for it...
someone tell mi wat to do pls...

lost...depressed...

pissed off....

2006-08-25T01:15:00.000+08:00

horrible days...

the past few days have nt been going well for mi...
starting with today...

argh... as a matter of fact...i returned home close to eleven today when tuition ended like at 9.50...
i missed one of the buses back to tampines...
then waited...for 30 mins plus,...
worst of all...it was so packed tat i cld nt even get on....
i was already very tired n hungry...juz wanted to get home asap...
so in the end i juz stomped off to take the train...
reach home so late...
as if it was nt bad enough tat i took so long to get home...
reached home onli to find tat they forgot to get my dinner....
wth la...told mi ur will buy then in the end never...
wat to do..make do with bread lor...n there were like only 3 pieces left....
great right ....
hai...then today really dun have the mood to study la...
dunno why also...juz felt so tired the whole day...
they my left shoulder is aching...
dunno wats wrong wrong with it also...
but its irritating la...
shall jus leave it for now...
okay...calming down....

as for wednesday...had the statistic test after school...
although i practiced n studied for it...
i think i won't do well at all...
i mean the paper was like can do one if u did study and practice enough...
aslo dunno wats wromg with mi...
the moment i started doing i even got my normal formula wrong la...as usual...i made a hell load of careless mistakes again...
i really wonder how i'm gonna pass maths...

these few days been sleeping a lot in school...
smthin which i seldom do...
but really very tired these few days la...
especially ms k n mr c class...
sleep like a log lydat la...
how at to do????

anyway...smthin has been bothering mi too...
i relaly dun have a clue about what i want la...
hai...talked to grace about it....
shall leave it lydat first....

okay better go back to study le...sat still got chem test....

so lack of sleep...

2006-08-22T00:38:00.000+08:00

today is jy's birthday....
haha..happy birthday to u my dearest friend...
was quite interesting today...
early in teh morning hongrui, pauline, daphne, amanda and mi we met up at jy's place at 6.40am...
so early la...
haha...wanted to surprise her at her place mah...
knowing that she scared of ballons we purposely use ballons....
wat was worst was that jy's mother and younger sister saw us la...
luckily they din tell her...phewy...
we burst quite a no. of ballons...tot she wuld know ...
apparently she was deaf enough nt to hear anything...haha...
okay...we were a litle slow n amanda n hongrui had to stall for time...
while pauline and daphne light up the candles on the floor....
haha...
we also had a cake which we amanda and daphne baked...
it was delicious la...
also we bought a bouquet of pink roses for jy too...
although it was hong rui who went to get the flowers...
erhm....erhm..
haha...
there is also a story behind the photos daphne took for hong rui n jy...really funnie sia...
i think it was a really pleasent surprise for jy...
hope tat she really like it...
we also made her carry the flowers and cake to school haha..
then mag and mel bought jy a pine of Ben n Jerry ice cream...
n she had to finish it on the spot...
ahahaha....
too bad la...we din mange to sabo her...
anyway ...happy 18th birthday girl...

hai..today is really a totally sian day la...
been so deprived of sleep...
even when i sleep i can sleep well...those very light form of sleeping...
hate it man...
then todauy in school i kept falling a sleep...
for the first time in my 2 yrs in tpjc i actually slpt for 1/2 hr in the library...
ahhh...total waste of time...

so now trying to make up for it...
still got maths test on wed to prepare for...
then on sat is chem test...
alsmost forgot all about it until wee kang reminded mi...
hai...
there is like onli 20 plus days to prelims...
how...how...how...
really really very stress now...
then people at home are gettin on my nerves too...
still i must persevere...
alicia...u can do it...must not give up...
jia you...

okay shall update another day...
actually i wanted to say much more than tis...but decided nt to la...
maybe when the time is right ba...
haha...

running out of time....

song lyrics to James Blunt - tears and rain

2006-08-22T00:02:00.000+08:00

really a meaningful song...
dunno why every everytime i'm feeling really terrible...
i will chance upon this song...

anyway the lyrics to the song....

TEARS AND RAIN

How I wish I could surrender my soul

Shed the clothes that become my skin

See the liar that burns within my needing.

How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.

How I wish I had screamed out loud,Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away

find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;

Hold memory close at hand,

Help me understand the years.

How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell

How I wish I would save my soul.

I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away;

find comfort in pain,

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.

I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain.

All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.

It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

happy birthday wee kang...

2006-08-20T02:47:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

WEE KANG !!!

hate it...lost everything tat i typed...iritating...

after a long time...

2006-08-19T02:51:00.000+08:00

after a long long time....

james blunt- tears n rain...

tis song juz speaks of wat i'm feelin now...

style="color:#ffffff;">finally i get to blog after such a long time
there was some problem with the previous skin...so i changed it
i noe its kinda sadistic
but i like it
maybe its juz how i feel right now

well...these few weeks have really been horrible for mi
been on a short fuse lately and i'm irritated so easily
dunno y...how i wish i can stop feeling so crappy
anyway...today itself was horrible
since th beginning of the day...been rushing from venues to venues
then during tutotials n lectures the teachers still want to rush n rush
everything is moving at such a fast pace
i'm really running out of stamina to keep up with it
hai
then when i get a breather
everything juz comes to a standstill
hope i won't break so soon

the gp test today was HORRIBLE
it was so didfficult tat i have problems even understanding the passage
ya..of course i did nt manage to finish it
feeling so frustrated over it
so juz as well..i hope i can at least get more thean 10 marks for the compre n nt fail as miserably as getting 0
haha
then after tat went to get week kang's gift
haha
then had lunch (late one
then sat n chit chat for a while
then i went home
well for a change i thought i can go home
to a nice n neat place where i can find peace
but when i opened the door
ya...everything was in a mess..waiting for mi to clear up again
tat really got mi very irritated

pls la...u have the whole day at home i really dunno wat u are doin...

so of course i pack lathen when ur come home...the first thing u say was
got vaccum properly a nt
got pack all the things properly or u juz dump everything there
no body ask u to pack lor
pls la..like when can i ever stand leaving the house in a mess
i din ask for any appriciation or wat
but come on la..i'm doing ur job lor
why dun i take over then u go back la
then i tot i can have nice dinner
in the end..tell mi ur all eat liao
then i ended up with instant noodles
ha
reali damn pissed off la
wat more tis is nt the first time
feeling really sucky now
shall wake up early tmr
n get on with my revision
there is juz so much to do

unfruitful week...

2006-08-10T23:16:00.000+08:00
finally on the road to recovery...

ok...tis has nt been a gd wk so far...
well...to start of with i got really sick..
i tot rest a few day will recover but then...it only got worst...

on tue..went for national day celebration in sch...
it was alright...sang a few songs onli...
everyone was so enthu la...
haha

after tat...some of the class went to ecp to go wakeboarding...
luckily i din go...if nt i wld have died i think...
haha...
well went to mr chua's place for lunch...
had pizza...
although i was very unwell...but heck care went a head with the delicious lunch...
then by 2 o'clock i really cannot tahan already...
running a fever already...
so went hm...
then slept till 7 plus...
woah..when i woke up the feelin was really horrible la....
kept coughing, sneezing, terrible headache n sore throat...n the fever was still there...
so self medicate myself....
then went to slp again at 10 plus...
so there goes my whole tuesday...

wednesday was no better....
woke up at 8...
its been a long time since i slept so long...
muz have been really exhausted i think....
haiz...still in terrible condition...
then everyone started to nag at mi to see a doc...
well...wat the doc say really made mi laugh...
he said 'sick for so long now then come n see mi...might as well dun
come'....hahaha....
he really funny man...
then he very evil lor...give mi all the meds all drowsy one...
somemore got so many..
i take already really felt very sleepy la...
so as expected..i din get much work done again....

in the evening watch NDP at home...
the fireworks were really nice la...
how nice if i cld be there too...

then was very restless...
tried to do some work...manage to complete only a few questions...
die la...how to study lydat...

so...today is a sch holiday...
ya...luckily manage to wake up earlier today...
finally finish all the bio n chem tutorials tat i've to do...
yeah....
oh well...feelin much better today...though still coughing a little....
hahaa....
really very sian...
been mugging...but can't seem to concentrate...
very figidty...keep moving ard...
hai...went for tution juz now...
so now i'm going to do maths...
hopefully can complete a reasonable number of questions....

hai..so many b'daes are coming up...
really dunno wat to get for everyone...
its like one after another la...
elvin, wilson, pauline, elizabeth, sze yin, jieying....
haha...hope i dun go broke man...

okay i better get back to my work...

if only i cld turn back time...

finally fallen il...

2006-08-06T14:50:00.000+08:00
ill...

i guess my body has gotten the better of mi...
ok...like my mom said 'if u continue lydat u'll fall sick sooner or later'
guess tat came true...
haiz...
horrible sore throat, running nose, fever n cough....
wah...all at once la...
yesterday felt a bit uncomfortable...but never expect to be so bad...
ok...hope i'll be able to get to sch tmr....

haiz...wanted to go swimming one...
but then sarah nt free...
cos she ,hy, wm n jon went for city harvest service at indoor stadium....
then tot abt going myself...
but then it started raining....
sian la...
nvm...so stay at home n rest lor...

nowadays really very boring...
trying to mug everyday...
yet i still got so much i have yet to cover...
i think i really very slow in learning la...
there is like onli 3 more wks to prelims...
muz really put in more effort...

mmm...been very easily irritated these few days...
like a bit will get angry already...
ppl at home are really testing my patience n temper...
nearly flared up on several occasions....
so will ur pls stop irrtitating mi...
dun really understand u ppl...i
in the past ur never bothered much abt the way i do things...
but now when i do exactly the same thing ur got so much to say...
so much to comment abt...
then if ur want to ask mi smth u can also ask mi directly..
y go thru all the trouble n beat about the bush....
dunno wat wrong with u ppl....
when i'm angry u say i'm fierce,
when i try to be nice, ur say i muz have an ulterior motive...
guess i'll leave u ppl alone....
as long as i've my peace...
sorry...din mean to vent my frustrations....

really tired...but already slp so much...cannot slp anymore le...
shall go n continue mugging...

living dead....

totally drained...

2006-08-05T00:14:00.000+08:00
totally drained....

its been a week since i last blog...
this whole week was kinda hectic...
hai...really tired sia...
i wonder how ling can i last lydat...
can i make it till A s...

anyway...been studying everyday in sch...
everybody mugging like crazy...
whenever there is time...mi n pauline will always be in the library...
come to think of it...i'm a bit scared of the library now....

spe tis week was soccer...
haha..realy hilarious to see girls play soccer...
always a grp of people running after the ball...
somemore its only half a filed...
everyone who was watching muz have had a gd laugh...
then it started to rain but we continued to play...
but it was really great workout...haven't exercised so much for a long time...
haha...muscles started aching the very next day...
then on wed, ran 2.4km with pauline, sherlyn, clarie and mag...
yeh...pauline n clarie passed...somemore with silver....
glad to be able to help them tis time round...
sher n mag very upset cos they still have to retake...
so i'll stick with them till the end...
lets work hard together k...

then sometime tis wk i also signed up for the standard charted marathon 10km run...
mi, huiying, grace n sarah are taking part...
thanks to wei ming who made it so interesting tat we decided to join too...
haha...
then ber is also encouraging the class to take part in the FULL marathon...well it wld be nice if everyone will go for the experience...
but....
i still think its really nt worth to pay $30 plus to walk 42km...
unless ur really sure u are gonna run thru it...
but without trng n experience..i think it is crazy...
still of course i did nt put ber down...

ya...today got chem test...
been mugging for it like crazy...
in the end it was nt tat difficult..it was the nmr section tat was killer...
today is really a dead day la...
had papers after papers...then its fri n end so late...
after the test ms khoo still take her own sweet time to go thru...
wah...tat was the killer part....
so ended like at 4 plus...
then met jon, huiying, wee kang n wei min at airport the BK...
mugged till some anglican gals made noise abt not having places to sit...
so manager ask us to leave...
sian...
walked ard for a while..then decided to settle for subway...

anyway...tis week really spent a lot of time with pauline....
both of us feels the same way abt things i guess so we click more...
anyway wat i anticipated came true...
some friendships really dun last...
when someone better comes along they will surely leave u...
tats when the friendship is really put to test...
tat i've come to understand in the last few weeks...

so the weekends are for mi to mug...
hope i can go swimming with sarah on sunday...
raelly missed being in the water ...
where i dun have to be bothered about anything...

then next wk is national day le...
hopefully i'll have a better wk...

heal my soul body n mind....

sunday...

2006-07-30T23:50:00.000+08:00
sunday is usually a boring day....
woke up a little late today..so din manage to go running...
but considering tat i slept at 3 plus yesterday...i think it was the right thing tat i woke up later today...

so at 8.30a.m....went to the market to get breakfast...
haha...had cheew kueh (one of my fav)...i think tats how u spell it...
anyway...then started studyin...
the gp essay is really gettin on my nerve...
guess i'll leave it till tmr then do..cos jy n daph still haven't done theirs yet...

in the evening went for dinner at 'tian tian steamboat restaurent'..
the place is so damn nice la...
n wat more they cater to large grps of people...like 20 also can....
the place is nicely decorated n the way they serve food is interesting...
to prevent wastage food like fish n meat n liver those u have to request one...
so tats a good thing also..if nt ppl waste food...
then the soup is realli nice...
n air-conditioned somemore...
although more ex than marina $10 one...
it was still worth it la...
my mom keep forcing mi to eat la...
now i'm so full...dun think can slp man...

anyway...
been think abt smth...
actually...i dun reali noe wat i want in life...
come to think of it..i'm still moving aimlessly...
how...
wat shld i do...

lost...

happy...

2006-07-30T00:18:00.000+08:00
well...its sunday now...
haha...on fri the 28th...it was my birthday...
so happy bdae to mi...
hai...18yrs old already...
so can legally buy alcohol, cigarettes, go clubbing...
haha...but tat takes away the thrill of it...
anyway...got a lot to blog abt...

28/7
on fri,okay at the stroke of twelve...received a lot of well wishes...
haha...happy to hear from them...especially those who i've not really been in contact with...
guess wat eli remembered my bdae...( a pri sch friend of mine)
haha...then in the aft we went for lunch at pizza hut...
pauline, jy, ber, amanda, elvin, eng han, fabian n wil...
jy was especially evil la...
keep asking mi to eat n eat..even when i was full...
they they ordered the browin n ice-cream for mi...
really very paiseh la...sing the bdae song so loud until everyone turn to look at us...even another table also join in the singing la...
then worst is..they make mi lick the cream of the ice-cream n use my mouth to remove the strawberry...
was so unglam...hahah...
ppl were looking n laughing la...so embarassing!!!
mel was so sweet...she came up to mi n gave mi a nice sunflower la...really luv it...
then on the way out..they bought chocolates for mi too...
it was really great having such gd friends to celebrate my bdae with...
thank u guys...

tat was nt all...
had to rush home to change...
cos meeting the canoeist in the evening at suntec...
meet sarah earlier to shop abit..
we both were looking for bags...
but in the end we ended up geeting the same shirt...
haha...quite nice n cheap la...
shall wear it together one day...
then we went to marche...
my gosh...the q was so damn long la...think got to wait 1 hr man...
so we decided to switch location...
n we settled for fish n co...
waited damn long too..
jon, wk, wei min, huijie, mr chua, grace n hy came...
but they were late too...
say 7.30 in the end 8.30 then reach lor...
so ya..while waitin some of them went to buy bread...

then mr chua was so nice...
the fountain terrace they can flash msgs...
so he wished mi happy bdae on it la...
was so touched...hehe...
never imagine somebody wld wish mi happy bdae on it...
haha...
so while waitin for our food...all of us were so hungry...
then sarah CLEO mag got tis small sction on naughty moves...
jon, wk n huijie were so interested in it la..
dunno wat they were thinkin...
haha..
then the '4 man gang' n mr chua..dunno wat they were up to...keep passing the phone ard...
until i got giddy...

at the end of it..they all got mi smth...
mr chua got mi a espirt watch...
its like so nice n so ex..tat i din accept it at first..
but in the end took it in order nt to make him feel bad...
then wm made mi a card la...its so nice...
din noe his art n craft was so gd...
besides he also got mi a watch...
was really very touched for wat he has done...
but when i noe how ex the watch was..i really feel damn bad...
ya...so guess i'll give him a treat another day...
sarah also bought mi a bear..very cute...

really thank u everyone...
u really made mi feel very lucky on tat day...
i'm truely grateful for all tat u have done for mi...
i'm not a special somebody but ur made mi felt like one...
reali glad to have such great buddies like u...
FRENZ FOREVER...

then rushed home to cut cake..luckily reached home b4 12....
haha...
so i was realli very happy on friday...
never had so many friends celebrating with mi b4...
then got so many surprises...
thank u everyone...

tat night i had smiles on my face even when i sleep...

29/7 sat...

today woke up early to study one...
but in the end end up gettin so frustrated with everything...
loss my temper a few times...
hai..dunno wats wrong...
then cannot concerntrate...damn irritated...
so went out early...made my way to church...
but was a bit late anyway...
ya...after tat..cannot decide to meet the rest who went for concert...
so was wandering ard like a wandering spirit...
then took a bus back to tamp..
mug at 201 the mac with wm......

hai now its 2 plus...gonna sleep...

memories...

2006-07-27T00:46:00.000+08:00
memories...

today seems like any normal day...
but i'll always remember tis day...
smthin special happened...
how i wished it lasted...
but it has all become memories that have faded...
over time i've got used to remembering tis day...
tat now its abit weird to juz forget it...

i noe i shld have given up on tis a long time ago...
we decided to let let go to lessen the pain...
but i wonder if i really can...
i went thru all the letters n e-mails today...
can't help it..cos its wat i'll always do on tis day...
i tried to nt do tat...
cos i noe it will only bring back all the pain n tears...

smtimes i wonder isit juz mi...
y do i have to take it so hard when u don't even give a damn abt it...
wat do i gain puttin myself thru all the pain...
reali...
i try so hard to keep the friendship between us...
y did i do tat...
are u worth all these pain..

suddenly remembered all the times we spent together...
all the promises u made...
everything tat u said...
it was really great memories...
although now all these were juz empty promises...

wadever it is,i noe i wil get stronger.
there's many other things i hav to get done..
the scars will always be there...
only time can heal these pain...

i shd be contented dat i was given a chance to love u..
i shd be contented dat i was given a chance to feel ur love.
i shd be contented we re stil friends.

i'll get over tis...

although u'll nt be looking at tis post...
juz want to thank u for everything...

heart-broken...

mugging endlessly...

2006-07-26T00:05:00.000+08:00
mugging endlessly...

can't believe it...there is like ony a 6 more weeks to prelims...
ahhh...have i studied enough i wonder...
actually there is still a lot i have yet to cover....
sian....

yesterday was the sea sports carnival...
surprisingly everything went smoothly...

a bit random...but sarah's fav song-i wish i was a punk roch girl with flowers in my head
is playing now...haha

anyway...ya...the 24 men inter cca dragonboat race was rather unexpected....
we lost to track n field n soccer...ya...sux big time...
but i noe the yr 1s will do well nxt yr...
as for the girls doubles it did nt really went well...
mi n jy was like ya..shall nt say much...

then went home aft dinner n did my homework till 2 plus la...
tot muz hand in...
in the end no need...waste my time...

then tday in school was totally stone mode...
after sch studied in the lib...
realised i concentrate much more when i'm alone...
haha....then got a lot of scandals today....
amanda n hong rui...whooh...
jieying n chao liang...hehe...jy alrady has 8 bf on hand now....haha...
then vanessa n her friend....hehe...

recently...having mood swings sia...
dunno y...for no reason will jux feel high...then smtimes low...
hai..better vontinue mugging....

a lot of thoughts have been going thru my mind...

what happened....

2006-07-18T22:25:00.000+08:00
wat happened....

something is very wrong...
i feel tat some of my friends are drifting away...
we used to be so bonded as a class...
in fact we used to hang out together everyday after sch....
but things have changed...
i wonder did i do smthin to caused tis? if its my fault do let mi noe...
i really hope the atmosphere between us will get better...
today u gave mi the sort of ignored looks...
i wsa really bothered by it...

but in fact i dun really click with ur new found friends...
in fact i feel more left out...so spare a thougth for mi too can...

anyway...today was a tiring day...
whole day tutorial la...sian...
then the class kena scolded by ms khoo for nt doing their tutorial...

maths remedial was soooo...long la....
finish like only 4.30....
sian la....then i saw pauline in the lib...
study with huiying, wei min and jon...

hai...i hope tmr will be better...
anyway i'm running 2.4km with pauline tmr...
gonna push her to pass...

okay better go n do my work now...

i wonder wat came between us....

uncontrollable tears...

2006-07-17T00:14:00.000+08:00
uncontrollable tears...

its been a long time since i updated my blog...
it has been a heart wretching weekend for mi...

last week i din go to sch on wed, thurs n fri...
both mi n sarh made it thru the heats smoothly to the semi..but
we cld not move in beyond tat...
we lost to HCI to qualify for the finals by onli half a second...
its like wth...but its over le...
i noe both sarah n i have done our best already...so we went to mos later....
talked abt a lot of things n took a lot of picts...

then on thurs we decided to skip sch...
haha i was up early n by 6.45 i was a St 21 mac mugging...
sarah promised to come...but she like only woke up at 8..
thanks la...
so meet up wuith her and wei min later on the train to orchard...
jon wanted to have breakfast at bk...so we met at far east...
n as usual wee kang n huiying were late...
as we were goinh thru the photos we wanted to print..mr chua called la...
surprised...he met us at hereen addidas there...
n guess wat...we made him take neo prints with us....
n tat was his first time too..haha...he was even acting cute in several shots....
haha...
then went to taka food fair...a lot of nice food man...
okay soon mr chua had to go back to sch...
onli then we got time to carry on with our things...
printed the photos n bought wat we needed at popular...
took all of us a long time to decide how we want the card to be...
b4 we cld finish the colage mr chua called again to ask if we wanted to watch pirates of the caribien 2...
so we caught the 6 o'clock show at bugis...
the funni part was jon was carrying sarah n my bag..so when he saw us he dashed thru the gates taking all our wallets with him too...it was hilarious la...
had long john for dinner b4 gg hm...

then on fri....
went down to support elvis for the finals...
she was superb...
then rush back to sarah's place to bath n finish the card...
i even cooked for my darling partner cos she was hungry...haha
chiong down to melview park...but there were ppl even later than us ...
had lunch n the handing over session...
jon's speech was so touching...cld see tat he was holding back his tears..he cldn't even look at us in the eye...
my poor captain, even i was on the verge of crying...
mr chua silently stood there too...cld feel tat he was holding back too...
after we presented the card n or message n a bottle gift to him...
we proceeded to the playground to take pictures...

it was a moment i will never forget...
the sight of mr chua's tears rolling down all the seniors breaking down...
it was really too much for mi to take...
i cried with them too...
the tot of leaving one another and us from the cannoeing team...
it was really sad...
all of us really cldn't hold back the tears...
we are all so attached to one another...so close...
it was juz like tearing away one part of ur body...smthin tat is so attched to u...
we all took turns to take individual picts with mr chua...all of us tried to cover the tears with the smile..but it was nt for long....
tis will be a moment tat i'll treasure all my life...
my time in tpjc canoeing are made special by all my teammates...
tis family will stay together...
to all my beloved canoeist i'll treasure our friendship n i really love everyone of u...
to mi u all are juz so special...

so after tat went to drink coffee...
jon, wee kang, wei min, grace huiying n i then shop ard east point for food n drinks to bring to jon's place for the night...
went to the arcade to have some fun...
then went to jon's place at ard 10 plus...
elvis n ber were already there...so they sarted playin majiong first...then grace came...
elvis n ber left later...
then jon's dad n mom came home...
haha...juz nice i was playing then...
jon's father damn pro la...he was coaching mi ( an idoit) to play la...
haha...play n play like some majiong addicts la...
haha...finally i learnt to play majiong...
then they played a joke on weiming...over msn on sarah...
smthin nt too pleasent...
went to buy chicken rice at abt 1 am...cool rite...
hahah

the next morn woke up first thing is majiong la...
like if we dun play will die lydat....hahah
so when for breakfast at bk again on sat morn...mr chua joined us cos he dun have parking duty to do la....hahah
then we talked n chatted again la...
laugh n laugh like crazy....

but sat night was the most horrible of all times...
sarah confronted mi on the joke we played on her n wei ming...
apparently she tot i was the one behind it...
i was so upset...especially when she said ' with u ppl tis kinda thing sure expected on la.'
i mean she was like my partner n best friend...
so as i talked to huiying...i started crying...
the tears were uncontrollable...
everything juz came flashing back...
the times mi n sarah trained hard together...all the happy times we had..all the sad titmes we shared...
she juz started to drift away..back to the 'sarah' tat i dunno...
i really felt very heartbroken...
then feeling abt the team started coming over mi..n i juz cldn't stop...
it was too over whelming...

it was then tat huiying, jon, weekang and wei min showed mi tat no matter wat
we will remain as a family...
they were the one who stood by mi when i need someone the most...
they were there for mi when i need someone to cry on...
they were the one who showed mi wat family warmth was...
they were the one who showed care n concern for mi...
they were the one who was there when i was blue
they mean more than friends to mi...
they are a family...

yes...i'm afraid of losing them...
to lose my friends...my family
although i've never said it...their very presence are enough to comfort mi...
yes juz being ard them makes mi feel really happy...
to all my canoeist...thank you for everything...

okay i shall update more on another day...

if only....

my beloved partner...

2006-06-07T00:06:00.000+08:00
tuesday 6/6

today was so tiring...
hehe...i actually got to be a typical 'housewife' for a day...
went to the market this morning to get meat, duck and fish to prepare dinner....
felt a bit stupid cos i mistook a garouper for a seabass...opps....
then bought breakfast for my bro...
then came home...did the laundry...
played badminton with my bro and coached him...homework...
after which i prepare lunch..
then finally when he was in tuition i got 2 hrs to study...
in the evening...got to cook dinner..n i think i took kinda long...
still i was pleased with the outcome...
the fish n soup turned out quite well...
hehe...proud of myself...
after tat got to clean up the house...i even went to wash the toilet la....
ya finally...check my bro work...
n now...i finally have time to rest...
see...like a housewife taking care of everything...
haha....

anyway...good news...MY PARTNER IS BACK....
yes sarah is finally back to row with mi...i'm happy...n glad to have her back...
though i'll miss huiying...her extremly damn loud laughters n screams....
juz had a chat with sarah...n as always...she could always tell wat i was thinking...n wat was bothering mi....
i think i'll let her know the truth tmr...cos i juz told a lie...
yes its about tat...
can't deny tat i do think abt it at times....

okay..tts all for today..got to study le...
tmr still got to wake up early cos got training...
somemore at 6 la...then training not many people so sure damn tiring...
bette hope i dun die from tmr training....
haha

ur back at last...

boring...

2006-06-04T23:58:00.000+08:00
sunday4/6

earlier tis morning juz wrote an entry...
boring day sia...
despite slping at 3 plus tis morning...i was awake by 8...
ya...a bit lack of slp but...still alive...

today was damn slack la...
studied onli bio...was so slow....
okay...dimn reali have the mood after coaching my bro maths n science in the morn...
haha...feel kinda bad for raising my voice so often...

tried very hard to concentrate...yet keep gettin distracted...
keep wonderring if its right for mi to stay in cannoeing...
yes i admit its nice rowing with huiying...but i reali reali miss sarah...
there is tis bond n feeling between us tat no one can replace...which i can't describe in words too...
hai...

yeh...there is still chem tmr...shall slp eearly...

someone pls tell mi wat to do...

where wld i be without u...

2006-06-04T02:39:00.000+08:00
sunday 4/6

haiz..finally have time to blog...
its been a long n tiring wk...

let see...on thurs (1/6) we had chem-gp-chem...
chem was au usual...ms khoo singing lullaby...can slp la...
we onli finished the revision quiz...
then have to go for gp...
the next chem session...nobody went...so onli i go...
so pai seh.. i'm the onli one la...
but nevermind...i learnt quite a bit...especially to think fast...
then went to eat lunch with melissa n choo...
after sending nick to tuition...walked ard east point for a while b4 going to study...

2/6....woke up late...n was late for the collection of maths paper....
the marks are so damn dissapointing la....
its like for the first time i studied so hard then get this kind of results....
my maths has never been lower then this b4 la...
sad....
all the careless mistakes really killed mi tis time...
i think i can juz go n kill myself... hai..sad sia...
after tat still got to strggle on whether to go for trng a nt...
went in the end n took k2 with huiying...
althought we were progressing better thena expected...
i still fill smth is amiss...maybe is because of sarah....
(why did u leave mi when i needed u the most.....)

sat 3/6...
went for trng in the morning...wass a bit late due to the new route tat we take...
then we chiong quite a bit...
got a lot of ppl...so damn unstable...
then very sian today cos both mi n huiying did nt slp well...
so all in all...trng kinda sux for us....

so rush hm to change for church...
haha...today the let us watch sky high...
lesson- be who u are...everyone is precious n special in their own way in god's eye...
yes...n sermon was so meaningful...it really touched mi deeply...
it was as though god knew wat was troubling mi...n he was like speaking to mi....
it felt great knowing god is always there for us...

have been doin the laundry n ironing n cooking...
kinda sian n my body is aching like shit...but still i'm nt alsp...
okay...i better get some slp...will updat whenever i can....

where are u when i need u....

cont...how time flies....

2006-05-31T23:09:00.000+08:00
cont...how time flies...

playin now - big big world...
i wonder if i have grown up after going thru so much...
after all the argueing n scolding i get at hm...
all the trash i get at cannoeing...
all the choices tat i've to make...
all tat i've cried over for...all tat i've thinking...
have i learnt my lesson?

i dunno...

sarah is giving up national...without her taking part is meaningless for mi...
i tot abt it for a long time b4 i decided to be selfish n ask her to stay...
but i feel tat she has already decided le...
i really dunno...
i hate making choices...
if i quit i think i'm being very iressponsible to the team n to myself...
but i have to be responsible to my studies rite...
after all tat is wat im aiming for in the A level....

haiz...recently i have finally took out the puzzel to complete it...
yes its all framed up now...
to think abt it i 've been ill treating it all tis while...
i hope the one who receives it will treat it well...
well...tis puzzel was bought at the begining of the yr with the tot of someone in mind....
but i guess i was too buzy to even get started with it...
it was nt completed on time....
when i finally got down to doing it...b4 it was even finished...i stop..cos busy again...
i think i shld have got the sign then...it was never meant to be done...
cos on several occasions...i was so angry or upset tat i smashed it....
eventually i picked up the pieces...n begin puttin them back again...
but yet again the same thing happend b4 it was completed...

as i sat down n started to piece everyhting...
i realised it wld never be the same again...
the feeling of doing was different...even when it was completed...
when i was told tat they were together...i dunno y...but i felt very sour...
n once again i refused to let tat feeling show..
i onli came to realise how little i meant to u...even after all tis time...i cld nt get over u....
seeing u n her at first i did nt think much abt it...
cos i believed in u...
but i didn't noe u got over it so fast....
i told myslef to forget abt it....its over...it will be history....
but seeing how much u do for her...n seeing her i haf to smile....
i dun even noe y i'm putting myself thru these miseries...

while doing the puzzel...many tots came back to mi...
it all seem to mi tat u were nt the kind of person i tot u were...
wat u have done juz crashed ur image tat i haf of u...
yes...tears of saddness juz fell...

is the sadness worth...
is the heartbreak worth...
are the tears tat i have shed worth...
it was nt meant to be...
it shld nt have even begin...
wat am i putting myself through...
haven't i done enuf harm myself....
am i nt being nice enuf....
dun all the plastic smiles count....

lastly is my confession....
i've some to realised onli how much u meant to mi after u left..
i let my pride rule mi...n i juz let u go by....
now it all too late to say all these...
u are gone n there is no way i can have u back by mi...
yes i regret y din i say smth to stop u then...
but now seeing tat u have moved on n found ur happiness...
maybe its time tat i put all the past behind....
time will heal...i hope its true...

time will heal....

how time flies....

2006-05-31T22:05:00.000+08:00
wednesday 31/5

its been a long time since i blog...there is juz so many things happening tat i have no time to even stop n take a break....

it been a long mth...n maybe a very difficult one...
there were the gp n maths common test to cope with...
haha..but thanks to all my peers like jy, daphne, amanda n pauline who helped mi a lot in maths...if nt i wold nt know how i can even pull thru...
thanks to all of u...
i know i can be kinda annoying whwn i have so many qns to ask...
tks to bearing with mi....

the maths ct results will be out tmr...afraid...yes i'm ..hopfully i can get a B at least...
then there is still hope for an A during the Alevels...haha
then tmr will have chemistry -gp-chem...
think can die la...

okay...let see...for the past 2 wks i've been mugging n mugging for maths till i'm scared of the tys now....then gor gp ..i wish myself all the best...
hopfully can past la....

yesterday went to watch da vinci code with franz...then met debora n vanessa...so we all moved in front to sit...
it was nt bad i think...but ur conception muz be right first...its all fiction...
then we played pool...walked ard tm...n went to the arcade...
it was nt bad la...at least there was a fren by mi when i was down...( even though i did nt tell him i was upset)
ok...i bruised myself again...so careless man...

i think i will continue wat i have to say in the nxt post b4 all i juz type dissappear again....

everything sux...

2006-05-07T22:05:00.000+08:00
sunday 7/5

haiz...finally i found time to write about wat happened for the past few days...
actually a lot took place over the weekends...

on fri was sports day...
it started of quite well...my class girls took part in the 12x100m event...
we came in 2nd last...n i was actually quite sad...
as i was the last runner...i think i din do as well as b4...
i really dunno if i tried my best n i was lousy or wat...
but i hate the feeling of doing so badly...
then fabian was injured due to some home accident...
of course he din perform up to standard...but he did very weel too despite his injuries...
someone wearing spikes actually stepped on his foot as he was nt wearing any foot wear...
ya...
i kinda felt sad for him... so went to look for first aid n slippers...but i guess someone got them...
wanted to ask how was he..cld see tat he was in pain...
but i guess my pride kept mi from doing tat...
felt bad yet helpless...
then after tat...orange house aka hawk actually won the cheering compeition...
surprise..surprise...
we took some stupid n funnie pict...

juz b4 i left for lunch..
ya..a call made me started crying...
i dunno y oso...everything seems to go wrong for mi...
i get blamed for the smallest wrong tat i do...
so after tat i went staight to bedok reservior...n sat n stare...
i took time to think abt everything....
y isit tat i'm expected to be who everyone wants mi to be...
y can't i juz be free n be who i am...
y isit at i have so much to fulfill...yet am i capable of doing so...
at times i juz want to give everything up...
it juz as simple as going out for a meal n hangout with frenz...
can't they understand it too...
i used to like being at home...but then...ever since my everymove is critised by ur...
the way ur restrict mi...it has taken the tool on mi...n i juz dun like the feelin of home...
i rather be out..where i noe i won't be scolded of nagged at...
yet...
i noe ur are doin this for my own gd....
i noe...i want to understand too...
but i juz can't take it anymore...
i juz break down...

trng started n was venting my frustration by running...
was better after tat...then sarah n huiying asked mi abt fabian...
they saw tat he was injured...so asked how was he...
but not wanting to show tat i'm really concerned...wanted to show tat i got over it...
i juz told them wat happened...
they said i was very cold...like no feelings...
actually deep down i was very concerned...guess i wanted to keep up the strong image others have for mi...which i later confessed to sarah...
trng was tiring...went for 4k straight...
actually it was quite gd at certain times...cld see tat we are improving...
but isit fast enuf?? tats another qns...
somemore the womens national is next wk...14 may...
then we went for dinner...
got home tat night...ya...had an earful again...
got all the shit n things..
later in the nite..i can't stop myself n decided to msg him and ask how was he...
shld nt have done tat...

then on sat...i manged to go out for the class dragonboat trng..
but as usual...i got it from them juz b4 i went out...
really can't stand them...
had fun...we played a gam tat nearly made daphne cried...
but she mastered enuf courage to get into the water later...
haha...well done daphne...
then the class went for dinner...
which i din go..cos i got to go hm was usual...
tried to ask..but yah...usual attitude reply...

then on sunday was horrible la...got condemmed for everymove i make
from the moment i wake up till i dunno when...
sick n tired of it le...
doing maths revision...n finally i sort out my files...
haha...actually kinda slack...
but i'm aching from the consecative 2 days trng...

then tmr still got 2.4km...
hope i can make it under 12mins...
tat gd enuf for mi le...
then there is the sea carnival heats tmr...hai...
will be damn tired la...

okay gtg...if nt get nagged at again...

set mi free...

Disappointed...

2006-05-03T22:42:00.000+08:00
wednesday 3/5

today is a hell of a boring day...
tutorials n lectures are so ineffective...din learn much today la...
somemore i took 2 periods to finish 2 qns on normal distribution in the morning la...
then went for pe...we skipped maths lect to eat...
ya...the gp lecture was so useful la...she talk so fact...like everyone can understnad wat she says
then ms khoo cancelled the last chem period la...weird...

since pe...mi n Ber has been trying to convience mr nordin to let us join the 4x400m
Ber really wanted it so much tat we went thru all ppossible ways to convience them...
yazid...nordin...yazid...nordin...yazid... nordin
we kept going from one to another lydat la...
then yazid also give attitude...irritating
then when fabian approach him he was so nice la...
pe teachers are all so mood swing....

actually i was looking forward to run tis race...
its the onli race where i think can win smth la...
then now we can't even take part....
rally damn disappointd la...
tis will be the 1st time i'm taking part in sports day n i was so looking forward to it...
but ya...so i guess i shall juz forget abt it...

the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment

then trng today was ok...
din do much except rowing n weights....
very tired now... splin...

wonder...

lazy....

2006-05-03T00:12:00.000+08:00
tuesday 2/5

hai...i feel like a pig for the past few days...
been at home slacking...eating...slpin...eating...
haha...yesterday had tution till quite late...n was tired...
haha...at least i managed to do some homework n study a little...
did gp essay n even some maths n bio...

then today in sch was damn boring la...
all tutorial...then my fringe was so damn irritating...
eventhough everyone says tat its nice...i still think it look funnie...
then i very self-concious...n always look away...
hopefully tmr will be better...haha

then today after sch did maths in sch...finally understood wat c.r.v
is all abt...haha...normal distribution?
then went to eat prata...taked abt alot of things....
i oso found out tat other houses actually carry out trials to select their 8 best runners
for the 8 x 100m interhouse...
then i dawn on mi...our house leh..
feng is the one deciding...i think is more like she choose who she wants to be in the team....
i dunno y...but i juz dun like the way she does things...
so baised...i mean is rite tat she picks fast runner...but shld be fair to the rest in the
orange house too rite...ya...
okay maybe i'm over reacting abit...
maybe u can see y....

anyway...i din do much work at hm...was stonning practically most of the time...
watch a bit of the tv...sounds alien...since i've nt for a long time....
haha...i'm tierd of myself...
honestly i'm tired physically n mentally...
it may sound weird...despite the weariness...i want to run...
i hope can run 2.4km tmr...want to beat my timing.

hai...kayaking has once been a part of mi....
now i wonder if it actually true...trng has become very slack...
alex is like i dunno wat he is doin...
the team is too bonded to know where is the line they are nt supposed to cross...
i dun see it in a bad way of course...
its gd tat we are bonded...but is really too close...
the vision of winning is fading for mi n sarah...
where has the zest n passion n determination to pressed on all the way...
i really dunno where it has gone to..
i feel really lost...

juz as there was a glimmer of hope...u took it away...
leaving behind nothin but darkness for mi to dwell in..

i hope tat things will get better ...
i really hope...
there are things tat are beyond one's control n its these things tat can drive a person crazy...

ok...really need to slp now...

all the best

busy...busy

2006-05-01T00:51:00.000+08:00
sunday 29/4

haha...on sat i went to cut my hair at far east with jy n xue fang....
waited damn long for jy la...
now i noe muz make extra allowance...if nt it will be a long wait...
haha...

but now seeing my fringe so short...its kinda weird....
nt use to it at all...haha...will see wat the others have to say...
then rushed to get some stuff n went for church....

got home n started slacking again....
haha...did the flowers for mother's day while watching para para...

on sunday morn...went out for breakfast then did some grocery shopping...
hehe...manged to rush for vanessa's bitrthday celebration at sherlyn's place..
it was quite interesting i wld say...

had to rush home to change for dinner...
we went to Spring Court for grandpa's b'dae celebration...
but everyone eas attitude there...uncle,aunt,even grandpa...
was kinda a mesirable dinner cos aunt left halfway...
i end up being the source of entertainment and also the one trying to clear up all the food....
we played a bit n the waiter laughed with us too...( he was kinda shuai)
haha...then waited for a hell of a time for a taxi...
finally got hm...

today yaya was very upset...she went to rebond her hair but instead they burnt her hair...
then had to cut half off...
she was crying n crying...
but wat happened was really unreasonable...if i had gone to the salon with her,
i think i wld have bashed up the hair stylist....i think i wld have gotten into a fight with her
but yaya is really feelin very upset abt hair...whish i can do smthin to make her feel better...

hai...common test is near...but i still can't get myself in the studying mode...
there is tis gp essay tat we have to write...but ya...lazy...
then still got all the maths revision haven't do...sian la...

haha...also i think i put myself i a horrible position...
was msging Gless abt the cannoe rental...
when sarah n jon saw tat i was asking him n not them...they started a scandle for mi...
they even told dennis to spread la...
so i'm soooo dead...

n ya...i still can't get myself to forget abt somethings...
really hate it when u treat mi like a stranger....
i dunno y...maybe its juz mi...i'm thinking too much...
sometimes i juz wished all tis never happened b4...
then i dun have to be so fan....
i juz can't get myself to get over it....
y...someone pls tell mi y...

okay..better go n slp now...tmr got to get up early
got to start doin work le...if nt will juz die when i return to sch...

a better tmr

xian....

2006-05-01T00:32:00.000+08:00
friday 28/7

today bio lect...jy n the whole grp of them pon lecture...
still nevermind...i went with sherlyn n the rest...
wat happend in LT1 was hilarious...
sherlyn n zhi xuan was fighting for seats...tat when sherlyn pulled zhi xuan
zhi xuan actually fell backwads on the stairs...
everyone in the LT saw tis including ms leo...
haha..like kids lydat...

after the next 2 bio lect...i rushed for trng...
saw jy's chiwawa at the bus stop...hehe...shuai...
then the seniors were discussing things...i dunno wat to do oso...
some seem to side with alex while others do nt...
feel so in the centre...
then trng was a a bit of a waste of time...as the girls had to go down first...
b4 we even stared we already have to save capsized ppl...
then when we finally got to the starting line to start...
b4 we even travelled 200m, out of 5 boats 3 capsized n of the remaining 2 one is unable to really help....
so ya...we spent quite a bit of time rescueing...
then we did dragon boating...was really tiring la....
then the guys on db competed with us on the K2...
haha...although we won, it was a very close shave...haha...
if nt paiseh....

then had to rush back to sch for runway...
haha...debora n pauline were fantastic...
overall it was nt bad la...
but heard about some irritating things tat took place...
abt someone being pain ion the ass...
ya...tats sbs...
dun really understand her la...
then the rest went for dinner atchangi airport...din join them cos was v.late le...
hehe...then chiwawa msg jy...
she was so happy la...
i feel happy for her too...

okay...very tired le....got to slp le...
tmr got to wake up early to cut hair...

tired....

2006-05-01T00:16:00.000+08:00
thursday 27/4

today is the match between mjc and tpjc...
mj even chartered buses to bring their students there....zai la...
tp was leading in the first half...but in the end we lost with the score of 2:3
was so sad la...the soccer guys really put in alot of effort....

life is still as messy...
talked to Gless and sherlyn today....
hehe...Gless treated mi to bubble tea so i saved $1...
tks Gless...
talked to sherlyn about choir...n she is really worried for her audition...
i hope she will do well on fri....
finally sherlyn also got to noe wat i have been so upset abt...

today i also saw alot of my frens from hai sing at tp...they all in mj mah...
as i was rushing for tuition din have time to catch up with sarah, sing yi and jie ying ...
but at nite i got to chat with jie ying...she was expecting to see someone...
but yah...i told her wat happened...
felt somewat realived tat i can juz relate the who story to her...
cos she is so far the only one who i have told the whole truth to....

okay...time to sleep le...
tmr still got sch...

it was all wrong...

2006-04-26T23:58:00.001+08:00
Wednesday

today was juz like any wednesday,the whole day was dead...
for PE mr nordin made fun of jy with her ermm....was paiseh for her la...
had a maths test wich i did damn badly despite studying hard for it..
i actually did the tys qns...then today was like wth when i saw the qns...
then there was the chem tutorials tat...yar...surprisingly it was so benificial...
i finally understood wat is electrochem abt...after debora n ms khoo's explanation...
actually mi n pauline were suppose to be in wilson's grp for the discussion...
but as usual.he was rattling non-stop abt ANTM with the rest..blah..blah...
irritated, i juz stood up n joined daphne's grp...
kinda attitude rite...

then after sch we had lunch n mi n jy study abit la...
okay jy slept most of the time...
nice weather to slp...then chit-chat abit...

there was tis qns tat jy ask tat i din answer honestly...
dunno why i din tell the truth..
i've been wondering why isit tat u dun talk to mi...
can't we even be friends?
is as though u purposly treat mi as transparent...
as though i am never there...
i dunno y..i keep gettin upset...i keep asking y...
have i really let it go???
i dunno..i tot i did....

tired of everything tat i have to do...
the seasports carnival is coming up...
then the many tests n assignments...
then there is the kayak com coming up...
also there is so many other things i have to worry abt...

i wanna be free

lost...

2006-04-26T00:43:00.000+08:00
Tuesday

today is my first time blogging....i created tis blog to write all my pent up feelin....
there are so many things tat i want to say....
there is juz so much tat is troubling mi...
everyday i have to put up a strongfront for everyone....
i'm tired, i juz wasnt to be happy n do wat i want ....
is tat so difficult....

lost

**Always By Your Side**

zouk...after regatta

after regatta

last nite at stadium n lights out/mos

the week after back from taiwan...

taiwan trip...

colourless

super duper ultra boing- complicated thoughts

tats wat friends are for...

boring sunday...

worries....for alevels results...

su fern's wedding...

slacking...

boring..boring...

after a month...

canoeing team farewell

MIA for a long time...

graduation

feeling stress out...

24 days to a level...

moving on...

i dunno wat to say...

prelims...a sad story...

depressed...

pissed off....

so lack of sleep...

song lyrics to James Blunt - tears and rain

happy birthday wee kang...

after a long time...

unfruitful week...

finally fallen il...

totally drained...

sunday...

happy...

memories...

mugging endlessly...

what happened....

uncontrollable tears...

my beloved partner...

boring...

where wld i be without u...

cont...how time flies....

how time flies....

everything sux...

Disappointed...

lazy....

busy...busy

xian....

tired....

it was all wrong...

lost...

Always By Your Side